Page 104 of I Could Be Yours

Essie is too amazing to stay single for long. Will I have to see her happy with someone else? Someone better suited for her? “Maybe you just need to give it a bit more time. People change and grow.” I thought I had. But turns out maybe I was wrong about that.

“Yeah.” He sighs. “You know what the worst part is?”

“What’s that?”

“I didn’t even like her friend. She just kept pushing and pushing. I wish I could take it back.”

I turn to my brother, giving him my full attention. My stomach twists as emotions pass over his face. “What do you mean she kept pushing?”

“She was pushy, like I said.” He scrubs a hand across his face. “So I got her off.”

“Did this girl force herself on you?” I press.

“We didn’t have sex.” His jaw works, and he clenches his fists. “I just wish I could forget it ever happened. I don’t know why I’m talking about this. It’s not like I can undo it, anyway.”

“Okay, we can drop it.” But I definitely want to come back to this when he’s sober. It sounds like something happened that shouldn’t have.

He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes.

“You okay?”

“Yeah. Just…my head’s messy.”

“About Enid?”

“Yeah. No. I don’t know.” He drops his hands. “It’s stupid.”

“What’s stupid?” I’m having trouble following his train of thought.

He sighs. “I thought maybe Mom would show up for Tristan’s wedding. I don’t want to see her, but I do, you know? Maybe she did come, and I didn’t even recognize her.”

My chest tightens. She’ll never upend his life again, but that choice was made for him, not by him. “Tristan didn’t want her here,” I remind him.

“I know. I just thought… I don’t know. I don’t remember much about her, but I remember missing her when she was gone, and not understanding what we did that was so wrong that she left.”

“We weren’t the problem,” I assure him. “She was.”

“Yeah. I still wish I understood why, though. Like, what happened to make us all too much for her to love?” He picks at a loose string on his sleeve. “But Tristan has made it okay. Rix is like, amazing and such a good person, and he’s so in love with her, and she’s so in love with him, so maybe there’s still hope for us, too, right?”

“Yeah, Brodes, there’s still hope,” I lie.

His eyes slide closed, and thirty seconds later he’s out cold. Ilie there for a long while, head spinning. I’m almost on the edge of sleep when there’s a knock on my door.

I drag myself out of bed and open it a crack.

Essie’s beautiful, anxious face greets me. She’s still wearing her dress, but her hair is falling out of its updo. She’s so beautiful it hurts. But she’s not mine. She’ll never be mine.

She wrings her hands. “Can we talk?”

I step outside and let the door fall closed behind me.

“I was wrong. I should have heard you out. I?—”

“You were right. What I thought I was feeling isn’t real.” I can’t trust my own emotions, and she knows more about love than I do.

Her face crumples like crushed tissue paper. “But I?—”

“My own mother doesn’t even want me. She put a price tag on my value as a human being and her son.” Besides, she’s probably right. I just got swept up in the wedding buzz. Everything would fall apart when we got home. I’d make sure of that. Better to end it all now than give either of us hope just to take it away again.

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