Page 107 of I Could Be Yours

Brody seems too hungover to process much.

“Nate, we need to talk.” Tristan pushes his chair back from the table.

My dad also stands.

I hold up a hand. “Give us a few minutes before you join us.”

He nods and sits back down.

I follow Tristan away from the brunch. Which I’ve effectively ruined. Or Isaac ruined it for us. But either way, it’s my fault.

Tristan spins around, eyes on fire. “What the hell were you thinking?”

I shrug. I don’t know what to say.

“That’s it?” He makes the same gesture back at me. He’s livid. “You don’t fuck around and keep secrets, Nathan!”

“You did,” I grumble.

“And look how that almost turned out. I nearly lost Bea because of that. I did lose Bea because of it. And I almost blew up two decades of friendship because I couldn’t be honest with anyone about my feelings for her, myself included. Essie is an incredible fucking person.”

“I know.”

“She doesn’t deserve to be treated like your dirty little secret,” he snaps. “This isn’t a high-school victory lap where you got to bag the hottest girl in school, you asshole.”

“That’s not… I’m not?—”

“She’s my wife’s best friend. She will be at birthday parties and family fucking events.” Tristan clasps his hands behind his neck.

“You think I don’t know that? She’s the one who wanted it to only be about sex!”

His eyes narrow. “And was it? Just about sex? Were you just screwing the maid of honor behind everyone’s back?”

“I told her I’m falling for her, and she told me my feelings aren’t real and that it’s just the wedding magic or some shit.” I pace the gazebo.

He crosses his arms. “Is she right?”

“I don’t know.” I rub my chest. Should it really hurt this much if she is right?

Tristan grabs me by the shoulders. “Are you in love with Essie?”

“I don’t fucking know, man. I thought I was, but then she said I couldn’t be, that it was other people’s happiness affecting my feelings. That I couldn’t be serious about her. Essie knows what love looks like. She would know, wouldn’t she? Maybe I’m too fucked up to love anyone. I thought I had it all figured out with Lisa, and look at how that turned out. Everyone just keeps leaving.” I’m on the verge of a complete breakdown.

Tristan’s expression softens, and he pulls me in for a tight hug. “Ah, man. Come on, bro.” He steps back, hands still on myshoulders. “You fucked up, but you’re not too fucked up to love.”

“She’s such a good person, Tris. I felt like it could be something good. I wanted it to be more, and I thought she’d want the same. I should have stuck with the plan and waited until we were back home, but I didn’t, and now it’s all a mess.”

He pulls back, his expression serious. “Honestly, Nate, you shouldn’t get into a relationship without getting help.”

“I just need to sort my head out.”

He squeezes my shoulder. “That’s true, but brother to brother, please see someone. You need to talk this stuff out.”

I nod. He’s right, but everything already hurts. How much worse will it be when I’m digging around in all that old pain?

“You boys okay?” Dad asks.

“Yeah, just working through things,” I tell him.

---