Page 61 of I Always Will

“You’re okay with that, even if it means he misses your wedding?”

“Oh, yes,” she replied instantly, nodding. “Our wedding is the most important day of our lives, but it’s hardly the most important day of anyone else’s lives. Of course, it would be nice to have all of our parents there, but it’s a day about love, and, if someone isn’t quite there yet, they shouldn’t be present. If Mr. Daley comes around in future, we’ll have a whole, long marriage that he can be part of.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

She shrugged. “Then he’s opted out of it. That’s his choice and his decision. It’s kind of a sad life, but you can’t go through life surrounding yourself with people who bring you down just to make themselves feel better. You should surround yourself with the people who are working on being the best versions of themselves that they can be. It might not always be pretty, and the road might be a little bumpy—like with Mrs. Daley—but, if they’re trying, that’s enough.”

Hailey sighed softly. “I wish I could see the world how you do.”

Esme smiled in a way Hailey couldn’t fully understand. “I think you do. Maybe you don’t realise it, but you surround yourself with people who are working to be the best versions of themselves, people who love and support you, and who understand that you’re growing, they’re growing, and we’re all just doing the best we can.”

She was right. Hailey wanted to wonder whether she was just trying to force something with Alexandria that wasn’t there and wasn’t good for her, but she knew it wasn’t like that. She didn’t know what was going on with Alexandria but, seventeen years ago, Alexandria had hurt herself to let Hailey live the life she needed. Now, she was exhausting herself coming back and forth for her brother. She listened to Hailey on the bad days and celebrated on the good days. She’d let Hailey back in so readily and put herself on the line in so many little ways, in ways she never would have seventeen years ago. She’d been growing. They might both still be works in progress, but at least they were trying.

“For what it’s worth,” Esme said, looking lightly around the room, “I don’t think Alexandria is the kind of person that’s opting out of your life.”

Hailey frowned at her. “How did you—?”

Esme smiled. “You’re both pretty obvious around each other.”

Hailey felt herself pale. She’d been trying hard to be so very normal and casual around Alexandria. Perhaps she should have realised she’d never be anything close to casual around her. “Well, that’s… awkward.”

Esme giggled. “No, it’s sweet. I don’t know what happened between you back then, but I know she’s scared. I also know she’s trying. Just like I know you’re scared but trying.”

“What if I’ve scared her off?” Hailey whispered, finally airing what she’d been thinking for the last four days.

“I don’t think that’s possible. Some people—like me and Dan, for instance—are just supposed to be together. I think you and Al are like that.”

“Alexandria,” Hailey corrected. She hadn’t before because she didn’t want to seem too invested. Now she knew it didn’t matter. She’d long since given herself away, apparently.

Esme grinned like she knew something Hailey had been missing. “I’ve known you for a long time and I’ve never seen you so at peace as you have been since Alexandria’s been back. From what Dan says, she’s the same.”

How Hailey would love to believe that. She’d been so worried about scaring Alexandria off, so curious about what she’d missed, that she’d failed to realise she’d been surrounded by people who had known Alexandria in the interim. She’d focused on how nervous Alexandria was around her without considering how either of them had looked to the ones who had known them apart.

She fidgeted with her keyboard. “What if…” She took a deep breath. “What if I did something, made a move, and she hasn’t responded—for four days?”

Esme tilted her head, examining Hailey in a way that made her nervous now that she realised how much Esme actually saw. “I think… that there’s probably a very good reason why she hasn’t. She cares about you—way more than you’re able to see, apparently.”

Hailey wasn’t sure about that. If she hadn’t suspected Alexandria still loved her, too, she never would have handed her those journals. But, perhaps, she had jumped to the conclusion that Alexandria wasn’t interested pretty quickly after no reply.

Admittedly, she was still having a bit of a hard time understanding why someone wouldn’t get in touch at all after receiving such a personal gift…

“If the roles were reversed, what would you have done?” Esme asked.

Hailey snorted. “Acknowledged receipt at the very least.”

Esme smiled. “Maybe she hasn’t received anything yet.”

“Oh, no. She definitely has. Hard to claim a missed delivery when it was hand delivered.”

“I don’t mean like that.” She shook her head affectionately. “Maybe she hasn’t been able to fullyreceiveit yet.”

Hailey watched her intently. It was abundantly clear that Esme knew exactly what she meant and, while Hailey had no clue what it was, she did wonder whether Alexandria just hadn’t had a chance to read the journals yet. That would be a little odd, maybe, after four days, but there was a chance. She hadn’t just been quiet with Hailey, after all, she hadn’t said anything in the group chat in four days either. If it hadn’t been for the lack of worry from everyone else, Hailey was convinced she’d think Alexandria had died.

She felt herself smile slightly as she shook her head. This conversation had been all over the place—she’d been all over the place—but hope was sneaking back in. Tiny, scared hope, but hope nonetheless. And, in two days, she’d have an answer either way. Maybe she could hold onto hope for those two days.

She narrowed her eyes at Esme. “You are far too wise for your own good.”

Esme smiled widely. “I know.”

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