Page 55 of Love, Morgan

“You weren’t expecting that? Really? With how much I’ve been flirting with you?” She shook her head. “Come on, Iona, you’re smarter than that.”

She sounded so affectionate. She looked so affectionate. And it was only seeing it as she admitted to liking me that made me realize she’d looked at me like that before, she’d spoken to me like that before.

I really was oblivious.

“But, wait,” I said, my sluggish brain catching up. “You like me, so you had a façade up?”

She sighed. “Yeah. I use it with everyone until I know them well enough. It’s just easier that way, less chance of handing them something they can use against me.”

I winced at the weight of her words. Perhaps she hadn’t meant for me to notice it, but I couldn’t not. Someone close to her had betrayed her badly. I hated that for her. I hated that anyone could do that to her.

She shrugged, seemingly noticing that I’d properly seen her. “And with you, it’s complicated because I’ve been watching your videos for ages now, there’s a part of you that I know as well as I know myself. But then, you were here, and you were real, and somehow you were even better than I’d imagined, but the history…myhistory, it’s still there. And I can’t… I don’t…” She struggled with her words, huffing to herself. “Historically, I don’t…likepeople. I don’t let them get close. I don’t like anyone enough to even bother trying with them. But you…”

“I’m sorry,” I said, unsure whether I was apologizing for what she’d obviously gone through, the fact that I had come in and messed with her carefully managed life, or both.

She breathed a laugh, waving me off. “Don’t worry about it. I never stood a chance with you. Much as it pains me to admit, and you can never, ever tell Ripley I did, I’ve had a crush on you since the first night I watched your videos. I’d never really had a crush on anybody—too busy getting my life back, and doing my own thing—until there was you. So, when we found ourselves in the same place, my usual system was never going to work.”

My head was pulling me in so many directions at the same time—the fact that someone liked me enough to have a crush, the fact that very same person liked me even more when they got the real me, the fact that she’d been so obvious about it that her best friend knew, but, most of all, the fact that the person who’d hurt her hadn’t been a partner. She’d never had a crush. I was the first. That was wild and precious, but it was also horrifying in the realization that the person who’d hurt her, had probably been family, and they’d hurt her so young. For her whole life, possibly, she’d been carrying the weight of what her family did to her. I couldn’t know for sure it was them, but there was something ancient in her pain that told me it was.

“We can go back, if you want?” I offered, part of me wishing we could, so terrified of what came next that I couldn’t even imagine anything but going back. “We can pretend this conversation never happened. We can go back to you not telling me anything.”

“You know we can’t. The truth is out now. It was always going to come out. I tried to avoid you so I didn’t have to face this, but then the mango—and I like being around you too much.”

“We only have a couple of days left here, we can pretend—”

She shook her head. “I don’t want to.”

I didn’t want to either—didn’t think I could—but I couldn’t see another way forward. We were still basically strangers. Strangers who, in mere days, would go back to lives in very different places. I’d never even heard of Jackson Point until she told me about it. I’d been nearby on tour, sure, but I didn’t know it. And this was all real. So very, very real and heavy, and exactly the kind of thing you didn’t share with strangers you’d never see again.

Morgan moved to stand by the railing, looking out over the water. Part of me wanted to stand with her, to support her, but I knew I needed to let her do this her own way. I had no idea what demons she was fighting with.

“I talked to Ripley,” she said quietly.

“Right.”

“She told me I should be honest with you, that it’s nice when people are honest. And I thought about getting to know the real you. I realized she was right. I like professional you, but I like this version more.”

My face burned bright red and I was glad she was facing away from me. “I like you too,” I murmured, so quietly I wasn’t sure she’d hear.

“I pointed out that we only have a few days here in the same place left.”

My heart twisted painfully. “And what did she say?”

“Basically that not everything needs to last forever. That it’s better to have a little bit of it than to have none at all.”

“I guess that’s smart,” I said, not sure if I agreed. Now that I knew Morgan liked me, I didn’t know whether leaving her and living with the memory of this would be better or worse than leaving her knowing I liked her and thinking she was just a flirty fan.

“Yeah, maybe,” she said, her voice sounding like she was thinking something similar. “She also said I should tell you why the façade, why the avoidance. That you can make your own decision based on the facts, and that either way would be okay in the end.”

That, I definitely agreed with.

No matter what, I wasn’t going to hate her. I wasn’t going to want to avoid her for the last few days we had here. And, with the promise of something more hanging between us, no matter how ill-advised that might be, I wanted to know all the options. I wanted everything on the table.

“What do you think?” she prompted when I didn’t reply.

“I think Ripley’s right.”

She sighed and nodded in an unreadable way. “We have a couple of days left here, we live in different places, different lives, and it’s far, far too early for any of this, but, the truth is, my family sucked. My parents had me young, and couldn't parent well. They tried again much later, and basically just turned me into a teenage parent of children I didn’t make. My whole life was them, what they wanted, parenting their kids. In the end, I ran away. Left and didn’t look back. I set about building the life I wanted, spent years in therapy, and told myself I didn’t want a partner. I don’t want kids, I don’t want someone else controlling my life, and I don’t want to lose my freedom. So I knew I wasn’t going to date. And it really wasn’t an issue. I wasn’t interested in anyone.”

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