Page 66 of Love, Morgan

“We’re going to have the best of days,” she said, her voice more tearful than I’d anticipated. “A day we’ll always remember, and everything will be okay.”

Her words twisted and tore at my heart. She was right. She had to be. She was smart. But nothing felt okay.

People got over worse. I knew, when we started this, what the deal was. I’d gone in with eyes open. I knew it would be this way. But knowing didn’t take the pain away.

Perhaps Thalia had been right, perhaps some of the best living did happen in the pain. Perhaps we could eat together and swim together and stroll together, and perhaps it would burn so badly it felt like dying, and perhaps it would be the best thing that ever happened to me too.

And it was. It was everything good and everything bad, and all too soon, we were standing in the hotel lobby, her luggage beside us, my heart breaking, and Thalia behind the desk, staring at me like I was making the worst decision of my life.

“You could have let me help you pack, you know?” I said, tears burning in my throat.

She laughed, but the sound was broken. It was still the most beautiful laugh I’d ever heard.

“No,” she said. “I wanted you there, but not because of what you could do for me. I just… wanted you there. It was time to be a grown-up, you know?”

“You can be a grown-up and ask for help, you know?”

Her smile was heartbreaking. “Remember that for yourself, okay? The people around you, they want to know you. They want to be there for you.”

She pulled me in tight, pressing her lips to mine. We’d kissed so many times today, but every one felt like a precious jewel I needed to protect with my life.

I wrapped her up tightly, my lips near her ear. “I want to know you.”

My voice was broken and tiny, filled with a heartbreak I hadn’t even realized was possible. Her choked sob was exactly the same.

She kissed me again, holding me exactly like she’d never get another chance.

When she pulled back, her eyes burned into mine, both of us trying, with every part of us, to hold onto this moment, to hold onto each other. We didn’t have long. Her ride to the airport was already here.

Her lips pressed mine again, soft and hard, apologetic and desperate. “You do.”

She turned, walking out the door without looking back. A sweatshirt, polka dot socks, and dress shoes. Then, nothing.

Tears streamed down my face, and, for the first time in my life, I didn’t care that I was crying in public. I didn’t care who saw. All I cared about was the fact that she was gone.

Thalia let me stand in the moment for a few minutes before she wrapped an arm tightly around my shoulders. “Come on,” she said softly, leading me off to the restaurant I ate breakfast in—the restaurant Morgan and I had eaten breakfast in.

“It’s not open,” I sobbed.

“Bo’s in the back. They’ll get it.”

I nodded numbly, letting her lead me towards the kitchen.

Bo looked up as we entered, frowning as they took me in. “What’s going on?”

“Exactly what’s going to happen to you if you don’t get yourself together,” Thalia said, shaking her head.

They looked horrified. “Did you attack a guest?” they demanded, voice hushed.

“What? No. She just fell for someone she’s not letting herself have. So we need ice cream. And hot chocolate.”

They held their hands up in surrender, gesturing for Thalia to help herself to the kitchen.

Tomorrow, I would be embarrassed about this, I was sure, but, in the moment, all I felt was numbness and loss. I didn’t know how my dad had coped. I didn’t even know Ripley and Alicia, but I had no idea how they’d coped either. I’d known Morgan for two weeks and I was a mess. How did you take apart a whole life and be okay again?

If fate transpired to let me meet Ripley one day, I’d have to ask her. Maybe she’d be at a show. Maybe Morgan would too.

Maybe not. I didn’t know if I would be able to watch videos of Morgan after everything together, knowing we were never going to have this again. We’d gone into this feeling like a little was better than none. Would a little bit of her in videos be better than a complete absence of her in my life?

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