Page 78 of Love, Morgan

She shook her head. “That’s true, but don’t you think Iona deserves a choice? Everything doesn’t have to be so absolutist. It doesn’t have to be one of you giving up your whole life for the other. That’s the kind of crap your family taught you, but that’s not how you live your life. It’s not how you see those of us around you living our lives. And Iona deserves a choice. She deserves a chance. You both do.”

I’d spent the last week and a half trying to talk every one of these ideas out of my silly, ridiculous mind each time they popped up—everywhat-ifI didn’t want to deal with. And here Ripley was, telling me I was supposed to listen to them all?

But, if I listened to the good ones, I had to listen to the bad ones, too.What if I hurt her?

I frowned. “So you suggest I do what, exactly?”

“Compromise. Ask her. Figure out what works for you both, because this clearly isn’t working for either of you.”

I scowled at her. “Why do you keep talking like you know her? It’s incredibly annoying.Iknow her. You don’t.”

Ripley laughed. “Anyone who knows you knows her a little. But, I didn’t need you to know this.” She paused, watching me intently. “She uploaded a new video.”

My stomach dropped out of my body.

A week and a half with nothing new and she uploads when I’m in the middle of bridge and haven’t checked my notifications?

I plunged my hand into my pocket, wrestling my phone out. I needed to see it. For days, I’d wondered whether I’d be ready when she released a new video, whether I’d need more time. Now, it was abundantly clear that I never needed time away from her. All I wanted was her forever.

And I needed to watch that video.

Ripley laughed, heading off to finish the hot chocolates while I pulled the video up. My heart was pounding and my hands were slick—unhelpful for navigating a touchscreen, but I got there in the end.

And there she was. Beautiful, radiant, perfect Iona. Looking every bit as sad as I felt.

I’d already hurt her.

I clenched my jaw, waiting for her to speak.

“Hey. Hello. Everyone,” she said, and it struck me how much more Iona and how much lessThe Pretty Giftshe was. “Thanks for joining me for another video. I know I’ve been away for a while, and I’m really sorry about that.”

She pulled a box from under the table, placing it on the roll of wrapping paper in front of her. She wasn’t at home. She was in the space she’d started her channel in. She was at her dad’s. Maybe she needed him and soup just like I needed Ripley and hot chocolate.

She smiled sadly. “I told you all I’d be gone two weeks and it’s been three, sorry. Maybe more by the time you see this. I think this is going to be a hard one for me to upload, because, in case it’s not abundantly clear yet, I’m doing things a little differently.”

Her hands flew around the gift with the kind of smooth, expert precision she was known for, but her words and the way she held herself, they were all Iona. This was the place who she was and who her work persona was collided.

A small jolt of jealousy spiked through me at everyone getting to see this part of her, but it was overridden by more pride than I’d ever felt for another person. What we had was still ours, this didn’t change that. But what she was doing was huge. She was here, being herself, reaching out and being whole, and giving the world so much of herself.

I hoped they’d be gentle with her.

“Before I went away,” she said as Ripley moved to stand beside me, holding two mugs, “I worked hard to always be put together for these videos, to be calm and collected, and to never really show the real me. And that was okay, but I always felt removed from everyone—from other content creators, from the people in my life, and from all of you.”

She finished the gift and bent to grab another box from under the counter. Her shirt moved as she did and my heart jolted. A tiny, golden mango hung from her neck, dipping close to her heart.

She was wearing it.

I clutched the phone tighter, my breath spiking painfully. Luckily, Ripley didn’t ask questions.

“But, while I was away,” she said, a shadow of a smile ghosting over her features, “I met some people who really changed my perspective and, honestly, my life. One was the first friend I think I’ve ever really made as an adult. Which, as I’m sure a lot of us know, is kind of a hard thing to do.”

I breathed a laugh—at her statement, at the sight of her, at the ridiculous pride in the way the two sides of her were showing up and showing out. Ripley nudged me lightly and I could sense her smile in my peripheral vision.

“I’ll forever be grateful for her friendship and everything she gives me.” Iona paused, smiling as she sucked in a nervous breath, and I knew what she was about to say. “But the other… The other has fundamentally changed everything I am and everything I ever thought I could be as a person. She came into my life and gave me everything a person could ever need. She’s so much more wonderful than she has any idea of, and so much more…deservingthan she realizes.”

She stopped. One hand held the paper she was working with as the other reached up to play with the mango necklace. Every part of my body reacted like it was me she was touching. Goosebumps covered my whole body. I’d never known living could be like this. I’d never known a person could be with you from so very far away.

She looked directly into the camera. “I haven’t spoken much about my life before, but many of you seem to have guessed. For those of you who don’t know, I’m a lesbian, and, while I was away, I met the woman of my dreams. Of course, life isn’t a fairytale, and things aren’t so easy that we can end up together, but, no matter what happens, M, you’ll always be in my heart.”

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