Page 21 of Finally Loved

Alba didn’t know what they supposedly knew or didn’t know, but Zainab had clearly masterminded the whole thing. And she was angry with Alba for bringing her here?

“All I’m saying,” Zainab concluded, “is be careful and be gentle with her.”

“Again. You’re the one who gave her my number.”

“I love you, but really, do try to keep up.”

“Keep up with what?”

Zainab blew out a frustrated breath. “And don’t bring me along on your stalking missions without telling me next time.”

“I wasn’t stalking anyone.”

“Sure you weren’t.”

Alba shook her head, feeling lost in the conversation, but started the car anyway.

As they pulled away, Zainab laughed unexpectedly. “Also, since you’ll never figure it out, she thinks we’re dating.”

“Who does?”

“For f—Why do I even bother?”

“Because you love me.”

“I must. It’s the only explanation.” She shook her head. “Neve. Neve looked at the situation and decided we were dating. That was another reason I gave her your number.”

Alba stared at the road. Could that be true? She hadn’t noticed anything that suggested it was. “Why would that even matter? She’s not interested.”

“Ugh. Oblivious to your own life.” She dragged her hands down her face. “As I said, just go easy.”

Chapter 7

It felt very much like Neve spent all of her limited free time lying on the couch feeling lost these days. Maybe that was fair. Lost was a good description for how she’d been feeling since Roxanne dumped her, perhaps that was just the way with breakups.

What was less hard to wrap her head around was that she’d found herself in the exact same spot, staring at the napkin Zainab had given her from the moment she’d made it back to the apartment.

Part of her knew she should just throw it away. Her whole encounter with Alba had been an embarrassing mess at one of her lowest moments. It was not the start of a great friendship. Running into each other again had been a weird fluke. It was not the kind of thing that should have left her mooning on the couch all evening. And yet, here she was.

At least Charlie and Alice weren’t around to see it. The two of them had dropped her off hours ago before heading out to some concert together. Neve had promised them that she wasn’t going to sit around moping all night, that she would be fine, could look after herself, and would eat dinner.

The level of concern came from a good place, but she was starting to feel suffocated by it. Between Alice’s concern and Charlie’s stern protectiveness, Neve couldn’t help feeling like a child they felt they couldn’t trust to look after herself. As if she hadn’t been managing just fine. One day of weakness and pain around a breakup and you were treated with kid gloves for the rest of time?

Perhaps she’d have a better argument if she had actually fed herself.

It was just… complicated. She hadn’t been able to figure out how to talk to Charlie about her behavior in the café, not while they were driving around, running errands, and when she knew that it came from a place of love. But Neve barely got time to herself at all these days, what with Charlie and Alice constantly keeping her busy and accompanied. But, while they were busy, it was hard to have a serious conversation. Thus, all of those complicated, infantilizing feelings were simply bouncing around her head as she tried to figure out why Alba’s date had given her Alba’s number and, now that she had it, what she was supposed to do with it.

Maybe she deserved to be infantilized. If she were more adult, surely she’d just send a text without overthinking the entire thing?

Maybe if she hadn’t just been dumped she wouldn’t be overthinking the whole thing.

Regardless of the difference in relationships, being rejected did leave you feeling rather raw and fragile. Most especially when that rejection stemmed from a place previous rejectionshad come from, and from something about herself she couldn’t change even if she wanted to.

She wanted not to want to change it. Asexuality was just part of who she was. She didn’t have control over it. She couldn’t put it away and pretend it didn’t exist. She couldn’t train herself out of it. She couldn’t do a single thing about it. But, when it was the reason she kept getting rejected, kept missing out on the things she really wanted, it was hard not to want to get rid of it, hard not to try to minimize it so much it stopped interfering with her life.

She wanted not to think about it like that.

She wasn’t even clear why the thoughts felt so tied to whether she could text Alba or not. That relationship wasn’t romantic in the slightest, nor was it going to be. They weren’t dating, they weren’t planning to, and they barely even knew each other. It didn’t really matter what happened. Even if Alba rejected her friendship, or never replied to the message, what difference did it really make? They didn’t know each other well enough for a rejection to be personal, or to make a huge difference in Neve’s life.

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