Page 29 of The Wrong Date Deal

Chapter Seven

“Would you rather spend every day of your life having to lick a peach or a kiwi?” Piper asked the moment August answered her call.

August spluttered. “What?”

Piper laughed as she glanced each way down the dark street, lit by city lights. “That was some guy’s opening gambit today. A peach or a kiwi.”

“Was there at least a greeting to go with it?”

“There was not.” Piper waved in thanks at the two drivers who had stopped to allow her to cross the road, attempting to dodge the freezing cold puddles that lingered on the ground.

“Weird.” August hummed. “I suppose it’s better than not sending a message, but what a weird opener.”

“Indeed.”

“Did you answer?”

“No.” She laughed again. “I commented that it was an unusual opening question, and his reply was… well, maybe you don’t want to know what his reply was.”

“Oh, no. I definitely do.”

“Are you sure? Because once you know, you can’t unknow it.”

August laughed lightly. “Oh, I’m sure. I’m certain it’s going to be weird as hell and probably hilarious.”

Piper sighed. “I long for the day when it’s simply hilarious and no longer icky.”

“Ah, so really good then.”

“Ugh. He said he was asking because he enjoys having his ass cheeks licked and my answer was going to be indicative of how… satisfied I’d leave him.”

August was silent for a beat longer than normal conversation dictated. “What?”

“You heard me.” Piper laughed. “And, apparently, so did the group waiting outside that bar. Hey, it’s good to be part of a story.”

“They’re both fuzzy…”

“I know that. But, you have to admit, they are different kinds of fuzz.”

“I… guess so. I mean, it’s not like I usually eat the skin of a kiwi. Especially not the particularly fuzzy ones.”

“I’m guessing he wanted to make it clear that his ass wasn’t… apple-smooth, should we say?”

“Ew. Do you mind? I’ve got a bowl full of apples on my table right now.”

Piper laughed. “Enjoy thinking about that when you eat them.”

“If you keep talking, I’m bringing them all to you and making you eat them.”

“As long as you’re not bringing a bag full of peaches and kiwis, we’re golden.”

“So…” August said, drawing the word out, “do we think he was the peach or the kiwi?”

“Oh, let’s be real, he was the kiwi. A peach, you can compare that to your butt with no issues. If someone shows up and is exposed to your butt and it’s got peach fuzz, nobody bats an eyelid. You wouldn’t bring it up. It’s not worth it. But why would you pick kiwi if you weren’t rocking short, slightly stabby hairs?”

“Yeah, good point.” She paused. “And, actually, either is fine in the grand scheme of things, but that being your opening gambit because you’reimmediatelyasking someone you’ve never met to lick your ass every day? That’s weird regardless of the fruit you pick.”

“I don’t know, if he’d gone with dragon fruit, I might have been intrigued enough to let it slide.”

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