Sean smiles at me from where he is making breakfast. Jessie sits at the table reading a newspaper, but Tobias is nowhere to be seen.
I feel the pit in my stomach rise with sickness. I don’t know why I feel like this. Is it because he isn’t here, I lay in his arms all night, or he was right there, next to me, when I woke up from my nightmare, showing me compassion and tenderness?
They were all there for me when they heard me screaming, each getting comfy on the bed while I lay my head on Tobias, my legs on Sean, and my hands on Jessie. They took care of me.
Now and then, I awake screaming and sweating from nightmares of that place. I thought I had gotten rid of the scene as it had been months since I last had one, but I was wrong. I'm lucky I was curled up in bed with the three of them.
This one was the worst. I was reminded of the worst day of my life, and it wasn't when my father sold me.
The smell of aftershave awakens me from my rocky sleep, leaving me feeling uneasy. I take a minute to turn around, scared to see the horror that awaits me today.
As I turn around, I'm struck by a man who's taller than me, towering over me at the end of my bed, if I can even call it that.
My first move used to be to scream at the top of my lungs, waiting for someone, anyone to come and help me, but I learned very quickly that no one in this house is here to help; all they are here to do is destroy my life in every little detail they can.
They have damaged me too much in this place.
I'm moulded to act like they want me to.
Be submissive to every move.
My eyes are fully awake now as I look over the man's features. He isn't the same one who usually comes to my room, as he has for the past years like clockwork.
This man is taller, has broad shoulders, and is freshly shaved.
I make sure not to move a single muscle, not until I'm told to.
Another thing I learned is that men are in control, and you do whatever they say, no matter what they want.
“Get up and get dressed!” The man's voice burns right through me. They just want to see all of us. Which also means we're going to be in training.
Training on how to be submissive to our man when we are sold.
I can't imagine most girls make it very long before their bodies wash up on the shore.
Not that I've ever seen a body washed up but it's all I can imagine, and these men are powerful, people look the other way when they do this kind of shit.
You can’t change my mind that people don’t know what's going on. I bet they are covering it up. The last thing they want is the people who are supposed to make our country better, yet they are doing the opposite.
I stand in a line with the other girls, some I had met, some I had yet to meet, but most of us are shaking.
“I get it, you're scared, but acting scared and shaking will only make it worse,” I whisper to the girl standing next to me, looking like she might crumble at any given second.
My father walks over to me, yanking my arms toward him and pulling me out of the line, making me stand in front of everyone beside him.
“What part of standing and not opening your mouth do you not understand?” Don’t do it, Ash. Shut up is all I say to myself, but even I know I'm not capable of keeping my mouth shut.
“None of it.” I sneer at him, glaring. A crease forms above my eyebrows, and a firm hand slaps me across my face three times.
The fourth time, he slapped me so hard that I fell to the floor as he spat on me.
“Don't make me punish you. I wouldn't want you to enjoy it. Seeing a whore like you would.” Being called a whore by your father is a different kind of hurt and trauma. One that no girl wants to hear, but it was the only thing he ever called me.
I slideinto one chair around the breakfast table, and Sean places a plate of bacon, another stacked high with pancakes, maple syrup, and a steaming hot cup of tea in front of me.
The smell of this food has me practically drooling. He fills a plate and hands it to me, doing the same for Jessie and himself.
“Thank you,” I say, stabbing my fork into a piece of bacon and pancake and bringing it to my lips.