Page 104 of Spindrift

“Onlywhen I’m angry.”

Thesoft snore of a dog punctuated the calm quiet of the night.

“Doyou love what you do?” she asked Morgan eventually.

“Professionally?”

“Yeah.”

“Morethan anything.”

Emiliaconsidered the statement. “What does that feel like?”

“Frustrating?Satisfying? I can’t see myself doing anything else. I’ve never even wanted todo anything else.”

“Noteven when you were a kid?”

“Ihad a brief pirate phase, but besides that, no. I wanted to be a vet.”

“Ithought I knew what I wanted,” said Emilia. Morgan waited for her to continue.“I was so sure of it, you know? And then everything fell apart, and now I’m noteven sure who I am, let alone what I want to do.”

Morganremained silent.

“God,now I’m unloading on you and we hardly even know each other.” The laststatement rang false in her ears, but she didn’t know how to correct it.

“Don’tapologize. You’ve had a lot happen, and you’re allowed to be confused.”

“Confused.”She repeated the word. “Yes.”

“Wascoming along tonight too much?”

“No,”she said, needing the warmth of Morgan’s hand on her hip too badly for comfort.“I mean, maybe? It felt good to be in the field again. Although now I haveprofessional jealousy about you to deal with, too. You’re a good doctor.”

Morgandidn’t laugh at her attempt at humor.

“I’msorry. You really should go back to sleep.”

“Whomade you feel like your feelings weren’t valid?”

Morgan’sblunt question knocked the wind out of her. She fixated on a particularlybright star. Venus, perhaps. Not a star then. A world.

“Idon’t know.”

Shedid know, though. Hannah. Thao. All the women who had mistaken her softness forweakness and exploited it or smothered her with misguided protections.

“Whoeverit was, they were wrong.” Morgan tucked Emilia’s hair behind her ear. “This isyour life, Emilia.”

“Isit?”

“Yes.I have doubts about almost everything else besides my career if that makes youfeel better.”

Shelooked at Morgan. Her eyes were nearly black in the darkness, and her mouth wasno more than a soft shadow. “What about this?”

Morganresumed stroking Emilia’s skin. “Are we talking about us now?”

“Wedon’t have to,” said Emilia.

Morganlapsed into silence for a few moments. “I like you a lot.”

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