Page 66 of Sinister Red

“We are.” I smile back as my heart flutters in my chest.

Hearing Sam say we’re good, even if it only means we cleared the air between us, has that hope flaring even more and making me wish for things I shouldn’t. None of this means we can go back to the way things were so many years ago. And honestly, I don’t think I want that.

I want Sammy, I want to love him and be loved by him, and I want to be with him, but not like before. I want the pain and heartache we went through, and the wisdom it gave me, gave us, because I think we could be better for it.

If we hadn’t had so much shit happen between then and now I never would have realized that my fear was unwarranted—my fear of the club and the lifestyle it brings—because the love we have for each other is worth risking everything in order to have it at all. And no, it didn’t really hit me until today, but I was afraid of losing Sam in one way or another from the start, and looking at him now, I realize my love for him is bigger than that fear, and it is worth every terrible outcome I could conjure in my mind because being loved by Sam North is priceless.

This man and his heart means more to me than anything, and I am praying that there is a way for us to be together again because that love is the only thing I’ll ever need, and it will overcome everything life could possibly throw at us.

Sam North is my soulmate, he always has been, and nothing in my life will be right or mean as much without having him by my side for the rest of it.

CHAPTERTHIRTEEN

SAM

The factthat the first and only wedding I’ve stood in is Marbles shouldn’t be both shocking and not the least bit surprising, but it is.

He’s my best friend and has been for over half our lives at this point. Marbles took me in and gave me a place to stay when I needed it, showed me what it was like to be a part of a family—however odd the inner workings might have been—when I had no clue what that was like. In his way, Marbles taught me what it meant to be unconditionally loved and cared for, what loyalty and stability felt like, and most importantly, he showed me I didn’t have to be alone anymore. Mitch Gentry is really the only reason I’m still here today in a lot of ways, so standing up in his wedding was a given and has been for years.

Him finding someone who actually fell in love with him andagreedto marry him? That’s the shocking part, but I’m glad for it.

If there was anyone who deserved to find love and all that shit, it’s Marbles because I know for a fact he never believed he would. Crazy aside, the guy is insecure as fuck about a lot of who he is, and when you throw in all the things that earned him his nickname, Marbles really didn’t think he’d ever have what he does with Harlow, but he really does deserve it because that son of a bitch is a great fucking guy.

And Harlow… Jesus, she is his perfect match in every way.

She didn’t even blink at the idea of getting married at the funeral home—Marbles’ reasoning being that’swhere they fell in love—less than two months after he proposed to her, and that’s exactly what they did.

A few hours ago, Marbles stood at the makeshift altar in the backyard of Berk Funeral Home wearing the cleanest shirt he could find, new jeans because we were able to convince him to at least buy those, and his cut while he and Harlow exchanged vows in front of the entire club and what little family they have.

The ceremony was short and sweet, Pope officiated—like he has every other significant event that required it—and in another surprise to all of us, not only did Marbles manage to keep himself from bouncing off the walls the entire half hour, but he got choked up when Harlow said her vows. And while I was—am—very happy for my best friend, I could barely focus through most of his wedding because I was completely fixated on the woman standing across from us, by her best friend.

Ever since we were locked inside Marbles’ apartment together, Sofie and I have seen more of each other than I think either of us expected to at this point in our lives. Some of it was injury specific, meaning Sofie sort of stepped into the role Harlow had been playing as mynursemaidand helping with my new stitches, but a lot of it was because our best friends were getting married.

There wasn’t a lot of planning involved for a wedding that was being held outdoors at the funeral home, but anything that was required of Marbles by Harlow—like picking out cakes and shit—he somehow conned me into tagging along under the guise ofbest man duties. To be honest, once I found out Sofie was going wherever they were, I didn’t gripe as much.

I actually found myselfhopinghe’d ask, hoping Sofie would be there, and considering I was hell bent on making her hate me just a few months ago, it was probably a little strange that I wanted to be anywhere she was.

But I did.

I practically jumped at every opportunity I was presented with and it’s absolutely due to the fact that I’m still in love with her and feel like maybe writing off a future with Sofie was premature and stupid.

The talk we had didn’t fix everything, I won’t lie about that.

I completely understand what she did and why she did it and can get over her walking away from me, I even get the part about not wanting to tell me about the baby, but that’s what wasn’t completely fixed. I understand her actions, empathize, and can almost appreciate them to a degree, but deciding I didn’t need to know that Sofie and I made a baby, that we created life and lost it just as quickly, stings in a way I’m not able to forget as easily as the rest.

I’d never tell her or any woman what to do in that scenario, same as I’d never dictate what she or anyone else should be able to do with their body, but knowing that Sofie ran off with the intention of having our baby and raising him or her alone without even giving me a chance to support her or prove her wrong… that’s what hurts. She assumed that was for the best, and I don’t fault her for doing what she thought was right, it just stings and left me with a tiny seed of doubt.

Is that enough to change how I feel or what I want in terms of a permanent future with the girl of my fucking dreams? Hell no, but it’s something I’m going to have to work through if I think I can make that future happen because if I’m lucky enough to get a second chance with Sofie Berk, I don’t want anything to fuck it up again.

Which of course means the club as a whole is a bigger concern than before.

She said it wasn’t really the Kings that caused her to run, wasn’t actually me or the lifestyle I’m a part of, but I’m in deeper now and walking away isn’t really an option anymore.

Thankfully, clearing the air between us, and our best friends getting engaged seemed to help Sofie ease back into working with her dad for the WKMC, and short of our relationship being in this weird semi-friendly but a little awkward stage, it’s been like it was when she was around before. Different, but the same, and I’m good with that.

Which is exactly why I haven’t been able to stop thinking about all of the new possibilities that having her back in my life could create. I just need to figure out how to make Sofie see that things can be different this time around, different in ways that should make being together easier and less scary for her, and hope that she’d be willing to give us another shot.

Starting tonight.

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