Page 63 of Broken Warrior
I shake my head at the memory, the tragedy that’s weighed on me for years, another ghost haunting me that I’ll never be able to outrun.
“Oh, Fin.”
“I killed my grandfather that night, right after I walked in on them. I saw him with Conner and just snapped. It wasn’t enough to save Conner, but I stopped that son of a bitch from ever doing that to anyone else.”
“Which is why you were using.”
I nod. “Between what happened to me, what happened to Breaker’s son and God knows who else, the conflict between club and family versus what was right… I couldn’t cope, and when I met this girl who said she could make me forget my problems, I did exactly that.”
“The girl Dori told me about, right?” Tate almost growls, and I look up only to meet angry eyes. “She’s the one who got you addicted, the one who helped that other club attack you?”
“Yeah, that was all my fault too. If I hadn’t been so—“
“None of that was your fault, Fin. You were hurting, you found an escape and that horrible woman exploited that. It was her, not you.”
“But—“
“No.” Tate shakes her head as she looks me in the eye. “Nothing that has happened to you or the club was your fault. Nothing that happened to Dori or anyone else was your fault. You are only responsible for what you do, no one else, and taking responsibility for only that is what makes you a better man than anyone I’ve ever met.”
She’s giving me way too much credit.
I own my faults and problems, at least I’m trying to, but I’ll always blame myself for what happened to Conner, what happened to Theo and the club, and it’s just a matter of living with that guilt and owning that in a constructive way too.
I won’t argue with her though, not now.
Right now I need to shift the conversation so it’s less one-sided.
“So, you said you wanted to talk to me about something? I’ve monopolized the conversation long enough and I’m sure you’re ready for that to stop.”
Tate searches my eyes for a few beats before she sighs. “Ok, Fin. I can tell it’s going to take some time and plenty of convincing for you to believe that, but I’ll let it go for now.” Then she smirks. “I’m up for the challenge, especially since you’re absolutely worth more than any time I put into it.”
I just smile back at this beautiful woman and nod.
She’s talking beyond short term, and I really like that.
But I still need to let Tate say what she needs to say, too. “So, what was it you wanted to tell me?”
“Just…” She looks away briefly before meeting my gaze. “Just that I’ve been seeing a therapist too, that I’ve been working on myself, I’m feeling really good about it, and I’ve made it a point to put what I’ve learned into action.”
She’s lying.
Not the words she’s saying, I know those are one hundred percent true, but Tate is still not being completely honest. I know her too well to ignore the way the fingers on her free hand are drumming a beat against her thigh, or the way she’s fighting to maintain eye contact when she wants to look away. Tate isn’t telling me everything, is still hiding something, but I’m not going to push her right now. This has all been heavy, probably more than she bargained for, and I know Tate will tell me what she needs to when she’s ready. I won’t force her into anything she can’t handle yet, I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
So I give her hand a squeeze and grin. “And what have you been putting into action?”
“Honesty.”
I arch a brow because maybe that’s true, but I still know she’s hiding something. Again, I don’t call her on it though.
But Tate knows me just as well, which is why she shakes her head with a small laugh. “Honesty with myself, first and foremost, and not letting anyone walk all over me. I’m being honest with myself about how I feel, what I want, and the way I let others treat me. And in turn, I vocalize what I want, when I choose to do so.”
“And are you choosing to do so now, Tate?” Which makes me both proud, and nervous as fuck for some reason. Tate deserves to take control of her life, and if this is how she starts doing it then I’m all for it. I just hope it doesn’t crush the hope I was allowing myself to finally accept.
“I am.” Tate surprises me by eliminating the space between us and leaning toward me. “I’m being honest with myself by embracing the fact that we’ve opened a dialogue that we needed to have even though it’s hard, but I don’t want to keep talking about heavy things right now, and…” She leans close enough that I can feel her breath ghost over my lips. “I’m going to kiss you because I’ve been dying to kiss you since we met up for coffee, then I’m going to ask you to stay and watch another movie with me while we cuddle on the couch because I really don’t want you to leave yet.”
Then, good god in heaven, this gorgeous dark angel does exactly what she said she was going to do.
And I’m praying harder than ever that this is truly the beginning of the rest of my life with Tate Covington.
