Page 59 of His Curse

Something I absolutely scolded myself for, because how the fuck could I even let that happen?

I know it's a natural response to one’s mate, especially when they are so goddamn sexy like mine, so fucking beautiful that I can't help but have a raging hard-on just from thinking about her, but I don't deserve that. Maybe I deserve eternal blue balls, but I don’t deserve to have that kind of reaction to my mate because I’m a piece of shit who doesn’t deserveher.

Lark's scars prove it.

They change absolutely nothing about how gorgeous she is, and they almost make her more appealing in my fucked up head because I know they came from a version of me and that translates to a form of marking her that I’ll never be ok with, but they are a reminder of what I did to her. Those scars are why we can't be together and I highly doubt Lark would even consider truly being with me while knowing they’re my fault.

I hate myself for them, so I can't imagine she doesn't hate me too.

And when I got to Zan's? Showed up with the bags of fucking clothes and saw more of Lark than I ever thought I would while she smelled like fucking home and looked like my wildest fantasies come to life? Jesus, I thought I was going to have a stroke.

The picture of her by the water’s edge, the picture in my mind that I've held onto for well over a century, didn't do her justice at all.

Lark sitting at the island in nothing but goddamn pajamas and fresh from the shower was a vision of classic beauty, artistic perfection with the hard edge of badass that had my dick ready and basically begging to take her right there. Hell, my knot even started to get some ideas and that thing hasn’t so much as tingled more than a handful of times in my entire life. One of which was when I met Lark the first time, so it’s obvious that the fading image of first seeing my mate was fading with each day that passed.

But once again, I refrained from doing more than I should, more than I’m supposed to as her goddamn fated one, and kept her at a distance despite the way it killed me.

Something every last one of my family members chewed me out over after Lark went to bed.

Cora and Frankie tore into me the minute the door closed, lit my ass up one side and down the other because I said no more than ten words to her, barely looked at her, and didn't stand closer than ten feet when I should have taken Lark in my arms and comforted her the way she deserved.

All things I am very aware of and still beating myself up over, thank you very much.

And when Frankie told me that Lark—fuck… when she told me that my Birdie said she loved me,stillloved me so much and had actually been looking for me—a nice little dash of salt on the gaping wound in my chest, I might add—I thought I was going to explode over the way it made me feel.

I felt like the Alpha my parents always said I was; felt like a fucking king over knowing my mate loved me, and my love for her grew bigger than it already was, practically filled the entire house and then some, but I still didn't go to her.

Nope. Instead, I got into a fist fight with my nephew.

Ronny took the opportunity to get in my face while I was stunned into silence, growled and bared his fucking teeth at me while he reamed me a new asshole over the way I was treating my mate, my Luna—hisLuna—and it came down to blows.

My wolf didn't like the way my Beta challenged me, but he didn't fight too hard against the pup because that shithead is on Ronny's side. So, while we beat the crap out of each other, Frankie and Cora took the twins and the animals outside, their parting words instructions for Ronny tobeat some sense into me,and Vok and Zan just watched until we broke the couch.

I honestly don't think they would have even gotten involved if we hadn't started destroying the living room, but they did. They separated us, then I was lectured by those two over the way I acted as well. And since Zan knows why I rejected Lark in the first place, and why I'm trying like hell to do it again, it really fucking pissed me off to hear him throw my own words back in my face.

That bastard reminded me of exactly what I said to him when he was considering rejecting Frankie, and added to it by making it clear that everything happens for a reason and Lark's return is no exception.

Of course Vok weighed in, too, related to my mate in her search for me, explained things in a way that made me feel like an even bigger piece of shit because he put it in a different perspective. Then he laid the icing on the cake by understanding where I was coming from as well since he clearly thinks I'm full of shit and doesn't buy the fact that I rejected her because I just didn't want her, and alluded to a deeper seeded reason than that. Then he called me a dumbass along with several other colorful names and said if I didn't take this chance to make things right with my mate, I'd be a fool because one hundred-and-thirty-two years was nothing compared to multiple lifetimes. Then he stormed out of the house and refused to talk to me for the last thirteen hours.

So now, my closest friends are pissed at me because they are obviouslyTeam Lark, my nephew who was never going to write me off over the shit with his mother is now considering it for the way I'm treating his Luna, hisaunt,as he reminded me no less than one thousand times, and I am more conflicted than ever because every last one of them is right regardless of my fucking curse.

Lark needs me. She needs her mate to be everything she deserves, to be someone she can count on for so many things, for everything, and I'm terrified because for the first time ever, I'm actually considering it. I’m actually considering stepping up and being that male.

Which is also why I've been pacing outside of Zan's cabin since quarter to six this morning, waiting for eight o'clock so I can do probably the stupidest thing I decided to do in the last forty eight hours.

Since I missed most of whatever Lark told the others, my dumbass decided I'd get the rundown from her over breakfast at my place. Just the two of us in my one room shack that has a fucking hole in the roof.

Why did I decide to do that, you ask?

Because I somehow convinced myself it made sense.

One thing I did get from Lark last night was confirmation that my investigation was not in vain.

I've been looking into Kentworth Labs for twenty-five years after I stumbled across a nurse that worked there and my mate proved I was right in doing so.

It didn't seem too odd as I eavesdropped the hell out of the conversation I overheard two decades ago—I kind of had to because we were sharing a train on the way back from Wisconsin and the woman would not shut the fuck up—but when she started using key words, words that seemed really out of place between humans sharing seats on a train, I listened more intently.

Turns out her and her traveling companion both worked for Kentworth Labs and the second she whisperedsuperhuman strength,new specimens,andforced shift,a red flag went up.

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