Page 59 of Black Castle

(December 14th) Please, can we meet? Talk, maybe? Please.

Vivienne stares at the words yet again, ruminating over it, especially the last two, fingers tightening around her phone. This should have come 12 weeks ago. Her heart would have leaped. She would have replied instantly. Desperate for the familiarity, for the reconnection.

But now? She isn’t sure. There’s now a hollow space inside her—the space where her feelings for him used to be, burning, visceral. Yes, she still cares about him, but not in the way she once did. Not enough to make her stomach flip or her hands to tremble.

Not the way thinking about Lucan does.

Sighing, her gaze flickers back to the field. Boys are still running, shouting, laughing. She can pick any of them. Many still have a genuine fondness for her, despite her reputation. She just intentionally avoided close relationships with them to prevent upsetting Kenji, even though he repeatedly insisted it didn’t bother him. But now, she can actually toss the self-made rule into a corner. Any of them will be a perfect distraction, capable of pulling her from this endless circle of longing. Yet even as she considers it, she knows the truth—none of them will make her feel anything.

None will feel like Lucan.

Lucan.

She exits messages and moves over to pull up Lucan’s contact. Her thumb hovers over it. One tap. That’s all it will take to unblock him. To send a hi, to see if he will reply.

But what if he doesn’t?

What if, after he found out she blocked him, he concluded she wasn’t worth it after all?

If he actually truly cared about her, he would have found another means to contact her, right?

A whistle blows on the field, jolting her back to the present. Kenji has scored, so his teammates surround him, patting his back, ruffling his hair. He grins, turning his head and catching sight of her by the bleachers.

Then he waves frantically at her, his face radiating joy.

She forces a smile in return, her gaze breaking away from the field again instantly. Their emotion glaringly contrasts with hers.

Her eyes return to her screen. Lucan’s contact details still glare at her, her thumb hovering, mind reeling. All of a sudden, she wants to know, since she blocked him, has he ever tried to reach her? Texts? Calls? If he did, how many times until he gave up trying? Did he desperately hover over his phone, waiting for a hi back?

What about Ian? Are any of the things he said true? If yes, did he even miss her at all? It has been weeks. She gets that he needed a time away to heal from the pain she caused. But why now? Why didn’t he remain gone? Why is he back and confusing her like this? Why is he suddenly asking them to meet? What’s the purpose?

Does he still love her? Is he ready to get back together despite everything?

So many questions, yet so few answers. A force presses against her skull, and she feels it, a migraine about to kick in. She needs answers, oh so desperately she craves for closure, something to hold on to. Something to lean on.

Her mind bounces between the two men? Who amongst them should she say hi to?

Chapter Eighteen

Vivienne

“Your father’s birthday is tomorrow,” Rose Sato, Kenji’s mom, tells him, her gaze fixed on him.

Vivienne looks at Kenji, who sits to her left, and shakes her head, unsurprised by his reaction whenever his father is mentioned.

It’s a Sunday evening. Winter break officially started on Friday when they completed their finals. Isadora, luckily, was out of town on Friday as well. Vivienne has no idea where the woman went off to. She just came back home from school and saw the sticky note she had attached to the refrigerator. But she suspects she’s embarking on another mission to dismantle a criminal organization. She has done that twice before—leave home for days and come back out of the blues, happy over another successful mission. And those few days of her disappearance, Vivienne always had a little peace of mind.

“So?” Kenji’s tone is splenetic as he throws his mother a disapproving look.

Vivienne fears there never will be a day where the boy treads into a topic about his father with a friendly atmosphere.

A weak, slightly saddened smile lifts the corner of his mom’s lips. “I know you two are not in a good place yet, but please, call him and wish him at least. He is still your father.”

“With all due respect, this is really unnecessary, mom.” Kenji drops his chopstick angrily. “Why do I have to do that? The man doesn’t even give a damn about some birthday wishes from a freak son he sent away to another man’s country years ago.”

“I’m sure he will be happy if you do,” Rose assures, her voice maintaining the same clinical softness even though Kenji’s is a little grating. “Just wish him on his special day.”

“Sorry, but I’m not doing that.”

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