Page 85 of Black Castle

His hand rests on his lap, the left one trembling.

“That’s why I said I couldn’t be your boyfriend.” He lifts his eyes to her. “It means taking care of you, putting your needs before mine, being selfless. And I’m not emotionally available or capable of that, Vivienne. Well, I could try, if I read a lot of books on how. But…” he trails off, then releases a shaky exhale.

“I figured that out.” She shrugs, like she is indifferent about this, even though she is so freaked out she wants to run. “What’s he?” she asks, her voice clinical, like a therapist.

“More like who he is.” He takes in a sharp breath, his free hand clutching the trembling one.

“Tell me about him,” she says.

He takes in a sharp breath, his gaze dropping to the floor, then the space between them, like he’s searching for an exit that doesn’t exist. “You’re not gonna like it.”

She tilts her head, studying him, waiting.

After a moment, he drags a hand down his face. “I had a twin once. A brother.” His voice is quieter now, like he’s peeling back something raw. “Zev.”

Vivienne frowns. “Had?”

He lets out a breathy, humorless, and quiet chuckle. “I ate him.”

The silence that follows is deafening. The world outside the window blurs into nothing, the noises made by the soldiers training outside just a ghost of a sound. Vivienne doesn’t breathe.

Lucan swallows, looking away. “It happens sometimes. In the womb. One twin absorbs the other.” He pauses, jaw tight. “Except he didn’t just disappear. He stayed. He grew inside me, like a shadow that never left.”

Vivienne shifts in her seat. “You mean—”

“I mean, he’s real,” Lucan interrupts, his voice sharper now, like he’s forcing himself to say it all before he loses his nerve. “He thinks. He feels. He has a life… through me.” He looks down at his hands. The left one is still shaking, his fingers twitching like they belong to someone else. “And sometimes, I let him have it.”

Vivienne’s stomach twists. “What do you mean, you let him have it?”

He flexes his hand like he can force the tremors away. “I give him time in my body. Let him take over.”

She blinks. “You let him?”

A muscle ticks in his jaw. “I owe him that much, don’t I?” His voice is rough, almost bitter. “I stole his life before he even had a chance to live it. The least I can do is share mine. Although, sometimes, he can get greedy. I have held him bound for weeks, because I never wanted you to meet him. But yesterday, I just couldn’t keep on. I gave him control, only temporarily. But I fear he’s getting more powerful. I felt it yesterday. He’s getting stronger. I’m afraid soon he’ll be the dominant one in this body.”

Vivienne stares at him, her mind a storm of questions. What’s going on? How is this real and how is it her life right now? Why can’t she have something really simple and normal in life? Why must every turn be so complicated? How did she end up at this crossroad?

And most importantly, how does she handle this? She has read books about personality disorder. But those were fictions. None ever truly prepared her for when she becomes a main character in a real life one.

“How do you know he’s real?” she asks. Maybe that isn’t the most important question. But she can’t think of anything else. Well, there are things to think about, but those require answers, and she has no answers, neither does he.

Lucan lifts his eyes to hers, and for a second, something flickers behind them—something not entirely his.

“Because sometimes,” he says, his voice lower, almost eerie. “he talks back. We sit in the quiet of the moment and have a conversation...like brothers do.”

Vivienne exhales through her nose, confusion creating discord in her head, her mind warring with what’s a truth and what’s a lie. To run or to stay.

She has never heard of a twin eating the other in the womb, or the dead twin deciding to live through one. Is there a medical explanation for this? She feels like she’s living in a horror movie all of a sudden.

“Did he force himself on you-”

“I don’t—” she takes a shaky breath. “I don’t know.” She truly doesn’t know. It wasn’t like Josh. She really didn’t want Josh to touch her, talk to her, let alone have sex with her. But last night, she was really scared, never been so scared of a man in her life. But every touch awoke something in her, something unfamiliar. She said no, not because she didn’t want it. But because she thinks it wasn’t right to want it.

And she enjoyed it. Every single moment of it. She’s not sure what that is. Not asking for consent usually meant sexual assault. But she wanted it so badly she asked for more.

Maybe something is wrong with her as well. Maybe Lucan isn’t the only one crazy.

“I—I did put up a fight.” She finally looks at him. “But maybe not enough. I stopped trying pretty quickly. Because.” Her voice drops to a whisper, barely audible as she bites her lip nervously. “Because I-I l-liked it.”

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