Page 95 of Protect Your Queen

Because he loved me. He loved us. That was the part he wasn’t saying out loud. It was something he could say in actions, but not words.

“So tell me, before I meddle more, because we both know that I will…” he looked at me with those black eyes, placing the bottle and his glass down on the counter with a loud thud. “What do you want more? A career of your own, or a man?”

“She shouldn’t have to choose, Jareth,” Jazz put a hand on my shoulder. “But in this case, I agree. You need to do this album, and you need to do it now. I promise, he’ll come if he really loves you for more than just your face.Hm?” She lightly pushed her knuckles along my cheek, before ruffling my hair. “If you choose yourself, Baby, I promise that it will all be okay.”

I was shaking in fear. My heart felt hollow, like all of this was too good to be true. Too good, and terrible all at once.

“I’m scared that you’ll leave me, the way Papa did,” I admitted. “That I’ll wake up, and you’ll all be gone. Sometimes, I still hope that he’s alive somewhere, and that maybe if he sees me on TV, he’ll come home and…”

“Papa didn’t leave,” Jazz said, as Jareth gritted out, “Don’t call that bastard ‘Papa’!”

Jazz gave him a dirty look before she rolled her eyes and turned back to me.

“We killed him,” Jazz said, her face taking on a sobriety that I had never seen before. She had no expression, as if she was giving a decree, rather than admitting to murder. “Jareth and me. We killed him.”

“He won’t be coming back,” Jareth said, with a scowl. “I buried him myself for what he did to you.”

I didn’t know what to say. It was all too strange. It was too much.

“Jes, I forced us to become a family because of you. Because we needed to take care of you.”

“I wouldn’t have wanted you to kill for me.” I was talking around a lump that formed in my throat, as the reality was slow to seep into my brain. My father wasn’t just gone. There was no hope he’d come back. He was dead. They had killed him. No… notthey. Wehad killed him. They wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for me. We were Barkadas. We were all in patricide together.

“I would have done worse if I could have controlled my temper. Look at me Jes.” I lifted my eyes to stare at my brother. “Hedeservedworse. Of all the man’s sins, what he did to his own flesh and blood, to his youngest, and sweetest child… he deserved worse.”

I pulled my arms around myself. More tears. More crying.

“Why do you still want him back, after what we’ve just told you?” Jazz asked, reaching out a hand to stroke my hair again.

“Because… I can’t spend a lifetime hoping someone wants me, and just change that in a moment.” That was the only answer I could come up with. Old desires are hard to let go of.

“Jestiny, if thispretty boytruly deserves you,” Jareth said, his finger lightly tapping on the counter. “Then you should test him.Weshould test him. Don’t contact him. Don’t speak to him. If he waits for you, then maybe he is halfway deserving of my littlest sister.”

“Why would he wait?” I whined.

“Because he loves you?” Jazz pushed my hair from my face and smiled. “Because you’re worth it?”

“I am not like our father.” Jareth lifted his chin, staring down at me. Even through his declaration, I could see how much he resembled the man he deplored. He was handsome, like our father. He had a deep, clear voice like him too. If he would get on the piano and play, he would be musical like him as well. “I protect my family. Do you want this man to become one of us?”

“Yes.”

“So be it. Let me test him. I will do the work. All you have to do is choose yourself. Put yourself first. The man will come after… if he’s worthy.”

Jazz got up and went behind me, and she began to finger-comb my hair.

“When we say that we protect you, we don’t just mean physically, Baby.” She leaned down to kiss my forehead. “We mean that we want you to be happy as well.”

Chapter thirty-six

The Moment

Chris

Two months later in Strathlachlan, Scotland

“He’s moping in here.” Lea was at my open door, pointing to me, sitting at my desk.

“Lea, I swear to God, if it’s someone else who wants to know about the Dryden incident…” I pinched the bridge of my nose.

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