Page 20 of Forever and Ever

6

Noah

Theysaywhenyou’redying, you’ll see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Maybe that’s true. At least, some version of it.

I saw stars. Millions of them. Flickering like streetlamps going out. Struggling against the blackness of the universe, until one by one, they were swallowed in darkness.

I saw my reflection rotting away in front of me. Some parts I recognized and other parts I didn’t. I assumed at the end I’d see memories because that’s what people make you think. That you’ll relive the good things that made life worth living.

Only, none of what I saw was comforting.

And then the switch flicked off and there was nothing. No hope, no light, no salvation. Just emptiness.

I’m reminded of that moment right now, as I’m watching the audience. Lighters, phones, and glow sticks sparkle out in the vast darkness of the stadium. But instead of feeling myself fading, I’m coming to life with every beat of the drums.

My arms are dead, and sweat is pouring down my face. My whole body is going to be sore tomorrow. And it’s worth every ounce of pain as I strike my drums and the entire stadium screams.

Beyond the edge of the stage, I see the bodies jumping up and down to the beat. Moving with the music as it spills from my bones.

This is why I fell in love with music. To feel something bigger than myself. To be consumed.

Writing the soundtrack to other people’s lives is a strange feeling, knowing that what we create marks moments of love, lust, and heartbreak for them. I feel it in every uninhibited scream and every bated breath of silence.

It permeates this stadium.

They treat us like gods writing their fate, and there’s really no getting enough of that.

The song ends and my limbs might as well be liquid, ready to puddle on the floor. But I manage to stand up and hold my drumsticks overhead to grin out at the audience. Tens of thousands of faces staring back. Most of them are blurry and dark but I know they’re there. Worshiping us, when deep down I know they shouldn’t.

If they knew the truth, they probably wouldn’t.

I’m a fraud, a fake, a phony—just like the smile always painted on my face. I might appreciate the perks of fame, but unlike Rome and Sebastian, who embraced it like true gods of rock, I never felt like anything more than a human slowly being eaten up by the world of music.

I walk to the edge of the stage to join Sebastian, Eloise, and Rome, as I toss my drumsticks out to a sea of hands. Fans pile on each other in a game of conquest until one becomes the victor and some chick surfaces with one in each hand. Her hair is sticking up in all directions, and she’s got a nasty bruise already forming on her face.

Proof she fought for them.

It’s strange to think people will strangle each other over something as simple as drumsticks. In the beginning, before the world tours and albums, when we were just nameless faces that could have been any other band, they wanted nothing from us. It wasn’t until someone told someone else who told someone else that we were special that anything changed.

Next thing I knew, the world dislodged its jaw in an effort to devour us whole. They couldn’t get enough. Taking, taking, taking. It never mattered that we were still people underneath the surface, and we only had so much to give.

They always want more.

As the years wore on, I started to see it in each of us. Sebastian and his sanity, Rome and his scars, Eloise and her distance. And then there’s me. I gave it all until it stopped my heart and I was finally done. Only something bigger said the torture wasn’t over just yet.

My eyes fall to the crowd at the front of the stage, where Sebastian’s girl Cassie is beaming up at him after hearing the new song that he wrote for her. Merry and Quinn are on either side of her with arms linked, and when Merry catches my gaze, she shoots me a triumphant wink for pulling this off.

After all, Sebastian kind of royally fucked it up with Cassie for a minute there. But that scruffy ass face of his managed to win her back, and I’m kind of glad. Because dealing with wasted Sebastian was bad enough. But dealing with heartbroken Sebastian… Someone was going to need to put a bullet in our heads.

Who would have guessed Sebastian would be the first band member off the market? Honestly, I never pictured Sebastian as the settle-down kind of guy. He’s fucked his way around the world more than once and seemed perfectly content doing so. But then he met Cassie, and everything changed. The rain clouds parted over his head, and he saw a clear sky. The sun, the angels—

Blah, blah, blah.

I’m fucking jealous.

But at least I’m getting better at hiding it.

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