Page 59 of Forever and Ever

She shakes her head, and the curtain of blonde hair catches in the sun.

“It was always supposed to be you and me, Noah.” Kali squeezes my knee, and it stirs a lot of unwelcome feelings. “I never wanted to give that up. Ishouldn’thave ever given that up. But it’s not too late, we can fix this.”

“It’s been four years.”

“I know.”

“You had a kid with someone else.” I pause to catch my breath. “When we were together.”

“I know, and I can’t change that.”

I stand up to get a bit of distance. “I’m not asking you to change it. What’s done is done.”

More is done than she even realizes. That pit of darkness I felt as a child widened when Kali cheated. Inside, I started to become the person I always feared I would be. I filled that fear with anything I could get my hands on. Alcohol, drugs, women. It was an endless void asking to be filled, and when I couldn’t handle it anymore, I got tired of trying.

That would have been the end of it if Adrian hadn’t found me half dead on the floor of my hotel room.

“I want to give us another try, Noah. I know it’s not that simple and it will take time, but I’m not over us.” Kali is almost pleading. “I’ve talked to your mom—”

“Wait.” I hold up my hand. “What do you mean you talked to my mom?”

I don’t even talk to her, so I’m not sure what the two of them could have to say about me.

“My family still sits by yours at church every week. I see her all the time,” Kali says with a pinched expression like I should already be aware of this.

“How cute,” I scoff.

She ignores it. “Things didn’t work out back then, but maybe that’s because it wasn’t the right time. We’ve matured. Grown. We could be good together now.”

“We couldn’t,” I assure her.

“Why?”

“You don’t even know me anymore, Kali.” I’m trying really hard not to yell. “Wherever you think we’d be picking back up from doesn’t exist. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not that guy anymore. I haven’t even been home in a couple of years. My parents don’t speak to me. And then there’s the band you spent so much time complaining about. In case you forgot, I’m still in it. We’re about to go on another tour.”

“I can wait,” she says with some kind of hope in her eyes that is misplaced. “I know I wasn’t understanding about the band back then, but I get it now. I’m willing to make it work for us.”

“You’re not hearing me. This won’t work.”

“But why?” she says firmer.

And this time I do yell. “Because I’m in love with someone else.”

And there it is—the truth.

Even if I was still that guy she thinks I am. Even if I could forgive. Even if I could forget. None of it matters.

I’m in love with Merry, and I’m stupidly thankful Kali showed up because all she does is confirm what I already knew.

Nothing will change that.

18

Merry

Cassie’seyesarebuggingout of her head as she stares at me. She cornered me in the doorway before I had a chance to set down my purse.

“Did I just hear you right?” She shakes her head like it gives her the power to change reality.

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