Page 11 of Heart Sick Hate

I want all of them mixed together, a different taste every time it hits my tongue.

“Did you get everything done that you needed to?” I ask.

“And then some. We’ll be streaming Sunday’s service. Finally spreading the word worldwide.”

Rhett lights up when he talks about the church. It’s his calling, and I pretend to understand it. But Rhett’s approach is different than my father’s and the way he wants to grow Eternal Light to such a large scale doesn’t feel genuine at times.

“Good.”

Rhett reaches out and grips my elbows, pulling me to him.

It takes everything in me not to recoil at his grasp, or how his hips press against me at the closeness. Friendly or not, I don’t like being touched.

“It’ll get easier,” Rhett says, squeezing my elbows, likely sensing my hesitation.

“I know.”

“I’m serious, Echo.” His smile drops and vulnerability slips out. “As long as we’re in this together, we’ll be okay.”

I hope he’s right.

“Do you ever worry we didn’t give it enough time?” I ask. “Are you really ready for all this?”

We agreed when I was a teenager that we would put our plan into motion when I turned twenty-three because, at the time, it sounded like a good idea. Now, I still feel young, and I don’t feel ready. But maybe that’s just because it’s him, and this isn’t real.

Rhett works his jaw, thinking through his answer. “I don’t think it’s a question of if we’re ready. No one’s ever really ready. But it doesn’t matter because the time is right. Your dad is ready to step down, and I’m ready to take his place. They love him, and with you by my side, they’ll love me too. It’s my calling to guide them, Echo. And this is how it has to happen.”

I’m sure he thinks he’s doing God’s work, but I can’t help but wonder why his comments sometimes make it all sound like a cult.

“We’re taking it slow for now.” Rhett brushes my arm with his hand, and I fight the reaction wanting to burst out. “Do what you need to do, because as your friend, I understand this is a difficult transition when it's not by choice. But we both know what’s at the end of this road.”

I’ll be his wife.

I nod. “Are you still… you know…”

“Seeing other people?” He cocks an eyebrow.

“Yeah.”

“I won’t when we’re married.” He frowns. “But you said you didn’t care while we’re still figuring this out.”

“I don’t.” It’s the truth. If anything, it absolves me of all my conflicting feelings. “I was just checking.”

“Good.” He releases my arms and chuckles. “It’s not like you’re a virgin either.”

“Right.” Instinctively, I spin my ring around my finger.

“You’ll still be my wife.” He smiles. “And when we say our vows, we’ll both accept our roles under the eyes of God.”

Judgment might as well burn me on the spot. I’m not sure what role he thinks I’ll be accepting, or if I can meet the expectations.

“So have your fun.” He winks at me. “You know I am.”

My stomach twists because I should be taking his direction. I shouldn’t be saving myself when my future is decided for me. But that’s what I’ve been doing.

Movement in the doorway draws my attention, and I turn in time to see Crew walking into the office with his head down as he stares at something on his phone. And when his eyes lift—those steel gray orbs meet mine, and my heart plummets straight to hell.

Or maybe it’s the fire in his gaze lighting me up.

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