Page 118 of Saint

“Liam wanted to hurt me,” I remind Kole, trying to tread carefully when his fingers clench around my throat. “Who says he was the only one in on that plan? The video was going to go somewhere. He can’t be the only person who knew what was going on.”

“I know, okay? But I can’t think about that right now, Violet.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’ll never let anything happen to you.” His voice drops.

Doubt.

Pain.

He’s not avoiding my question because he thinks I’m wrong. He’s avoiding it because it scares him. Something I didn’t think possible.

Kole has experienced so much torture in his life that he’s still inflicting it on himself every chance he gets. His fear festers no matter how much he battles for control. His mind is in a cage for his demons to hold him hostage, and he doesn’t think he deserves to escape.

And I’m the trigger. The button that releases all his doubt, fear, and rage.

Reaching up, I cup Kole’s face in my hands and appreciate that he doesn’t pull away.

He doesn’t let people touch him, and even his friends are only allowed so close. But he doesn’t flinch as I hold his cheeks and trace his scar with my thumb.

“Kole.” I trace the scar again—the part of him that was cut open and let his dark side out. “I know you won’t let anything happen. That’s not why I asked.”

His expression softens the slightest at my comment, and he sinks against me.

“If anyone else was in on it, I’ll find them. But it’s not Declan,” Kole says.

“Okay.” I have no choice but to agree when he’s this certain.

Especially when I want him to be right.

I stare into his eyes, brushing my thumb back and forth. Memorizing him like he’s done with me. He’s the only manwho has ever really seen me, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m the only person who has ever really seen him.

Up until now, every moment in his life has been a test, and everyone around him has played a part in it. I can’t imagine what that does to a person.

“Can I ask you something?”

Kole nods, not seeming the least bit hesitant.

“Is what they say true?” I run my thumb over the scar again, thinking about all he’s survived. “Did your family really lock you in a psych ward, or were those just rumors?”

I might not have cared before because I knew he was generally unhinged and assumed that was the reason. But after spending tonight with his family, I’m desperate for the details. I need to understand him—to figure him out.

There may be no defining the darkness inside him, but I’ll keep trying.

My back is pressed against the brick, and the cool night air tickles my legs, but Kole shields me like he always does.

“It’s true.”

I press my lips together at his confirmation, even if I already expected his answer. “Why?”

“Because after I killed my father, my mom was scared of me.”

My eyebrows pinch. “I thought no one knew you killed him, even if your grandfather suspected it.”

“No onewho would have done anything about itknew or suspected it.” He shakes his head just once, and now his mom’s worried expression tonight makes sense.

The warning shone brightly in her eyes. The fear that struck me each time our gazes connected. His mom might love him, but she’s scared of what he’s capable of.

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