Page 82 of Atone

“They tortured you.”

He shrugs it off. “It was effective. They needed to test our loyalty to each other, and the only way to do that was to make us vulnerable.”

“That doesn’t give them the right to do those things.” My fingers pause on the worst part of his scars, in the middle of his forearm. “Especially this.”

“They did what they had to do to get the truth out of us. I don’t blame the House for that. Besides, that’s not how my scars happened.” He flexes his fingers. His fist shakes as he holds it tight. “This was an accident where the House is concerned.”

“So they say, I’m sure.”

“That part isn’t a lie.” Alex watches my fingers moving over him.

His hands find my hips, and he just stares. Physically here but mentally somewhere else.

“Alex?” I lift his chin, and he faces me. “What’s the truth then? Please tell me.”

It’s clear he doesn’t want to, but with all the limits he places on his affection, I need something. I need honesty to know what I’m dealing with.

Alex nods, swallowing hard. “The whole point of their tactics during that trial was to make us weak, tired, and exhausted. And once we were, they pulled us each into separate rooms for questioning. They tied us to a chair and strapped us to electrical shock units. Sending through small currents or the occasional pulse if we were being difficult. It wasn’t a big deal.”

I’m not sure I agree, but I keep my mouth shut because at least he’s talking.

“The electricity was nothing at first. It hurt like hell, but they weren’t going to kill us with it, so I swallowed the pain and dealt with it. I answered their questions, and that was that.”

He dismisses the House’s actions more easily than I could have.

“When they were almost done, the interrogator got called away for a few minutes, leaving me alone in the room, strapped to the chair while he went to deal with something urgent. I was fine with it because at least that room was quiet and dark. Anything felt like a break from going back to the cell with Liam, Declan, and Kole.”

“The interrogator?”

“He’s someone who used to be in charge of the trials. A sadistic asshole, but at least he knew the limit. He was loyal to the House, and he never pushed the boundaries.” Alex shakes his head. “But when he left, someone else walked in. Someone not part of the trial or the House. And the first thing he did was turn up the voltage.”

My eyes widen. “Why would someone do that?”

“He and I had unfinished business. He blamed me for something and decided it was time to get his revenge.”

“What did you?—”

“Don’t ask me that question, Mila.” Alex cuts me off, skating a hand up my spine and gripping the back of my neck. “You aren’t ready to hear all the terrible things I’ve done in my life. And it doesn’t matter. He came for vengeance, and he got it.”

“He electrocuted you?” Tears burn behind my eyes.

The air is thick. The room foggy just thinking about the kind of pain Alex must have experienced.

“I fought back.” Alex leans in, planting a kiss on my throat. “It took a minute with how I was tied down, but I finally got at least one hand free to take care of the problem.”

“You killed him.”

Alex doesn’t answer. Doesn’t nod. But his eyes don’t leave mine as his grip tightens on the back of my neck.

“During thestruggle”—he’s careful how he says it—“the machine short-circuited, catching on fire at spots where it was attached to my arm and chest. Between the fire and electrical currents, it was—” Alex swallows, cutting himself off, and I can only imagine the pain he’s remembering. “Sometimes I can still smell my skin burning. That’s usually what wakes me up at night. Remembering how it felt to have death eat me alive. The seizure hit right as the interrogator came back. Or so I was told. He got there in time to cut off the power before the electricity fried my brain completely, but I don’t remember that part. Even if I did, it was better than what came after.”

A tear breaks free, sliding down my cheek.

“The next few months, I was in and out of it. Therecovery hurt worse than anything that happened at the trial.” He flexes his fingers. “The sterilization, the skin grafts. And then there were the lingering effects from the seizure. I couldn’t put thoughts together, much less words. So it was easier not to even try to talk. And then once I could, my head had cleared enough to know it was better if I didn’t.”

“How come?”

Alex’s gaze snaps back into focus. “Because there’s only one reason someone outside of Sigma House could have gotten access to me during a trial, and that’s if someone from the inside let him in.”

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