Page 2 of Hard To Love

As we pulled out of the parking lot, and started to drive to his sister’s house, I tried to smother the unease that was working its way through my veins. I attempted to concentrate on the cars in front of me, but everything around me was in a blur. I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t even fucking cry and I suddenly felt trapped. What the hell was I going to do?

I somehow managed to get through Lily’s surprise party. My thoughts and my heart had been a jumbled mess all day, and I couldn’t wait to get home and process what everything meant.

Brad was seemingly perfect in every way that mattered, but something was still holding me back.

My heart was heavy because I knew what I had to do. As perfect as he was, I couldn’t see our relationship going any further than it already had, we were in limbo.

I had to end it. As much as it pained me to hurt him, I knew deep down in my gut that we just weren’t meant to be.

I faked like I was sleeping the entire car ride home, eliminating any chance that we would have to talk about what I had found a few hours earlier. When we got to my apartment building, I felt the car slow and pull to the curb. When he extended his hand to help me out of my seat, he noticed by the pale look on my face, that something was horribly wrong.

“Emily, what’s wrong? Your hands are trembling.”

My throat tightened as I fought to breathe. Tears stung my eyes as everything around me went still. Brad swiped his thumb across my cheek and I couldn’t keep it in any longer.

“I’m so sorry.” I said, then took a deep painful swallow. “I saw the ring.”

Immediately Brad’s eyes latched onto mine. “No, Emily. No… Please don’t do this. I know that you’re scared but baby, please…. You’re just scared.” His eyes frantically searched my face growing more frustrated by the second due to my silence. “Don’t look at me like that, damn it, talk to me!”

There was so much I wanted to tell him, but my brain couldn’t find the right words. In the end, it didn’t matter because the second I saw his face go pale in pain, I knew he understood I was telling him goodbye.

I left him standing there with his hands on his knees and his head hung in defeat. I had broken him. The only man who ever truly loved me.

---