Page 26 of Hard To Love

Chapter Eight

One of thebest things about New York City was that no matter how long you lived there, there were always new and exciting places to explore. I had probably jogged past this restaurant a dozen times without giving it a second thought, but Chase’s enthusiasm about their food was so contagious, I couldn’t wait to experience it.

Apparently, TJD’s Diner, was named after Thomas, Julio and Diego, the three brothers that had opened it the year they immigrated to the US, and it had all the charm and coziness of a 50’s style diner. The building was long and narrow, with the counter facing the open grill on the left and a row of booths that lined the window.

When you walked in, your senses were overrun with the aroma of just-cooked bacon and freshly-brewed coffee. The entire restaurant was very small, and cozy reminding me of the diner in the small town where I grew up.

On Chase’s recommendation, I ordered a spinach frittata with a side of fresh fruit and whole wheat toast. The food was made to order, and in a handful of minutes the meal was at our table. It was just as delicious as he had promised.

As we finished our plates, a distinguished-looking gentleman wearing a starched white apron approached the table. “Good morning, Mr. Newman. How was your breakfast this morning?”

“Excellent, as usual, Thomas, thanks,” he replied, and he introduced Thomas as the one of the three owners of the diner. Through our conversation, I learned that Chase came here almost every Sunday morning. While I was excited that he had shared something so personal with me, I wondered how many other women had experienced the charms of Thomas and the fantastic frittatas at TJDs?

By the time, we finished breakfast, it was almost noon, and we decided to take advantage of the beautiful summer day and enjoy the sights and sounds of Central Park.

The ride back to his apartment seemed like it only took a few minutes. We pulled below his building and quickly parked the car, and walked the 100 feet to the nearest park entrance. It was a perfect morning without a cloud in the sky. In fact, there was a gentle breeze when we found a comfortable, shady spot under an oak tree near the zoo.

After laying down a blanket, he bent over and rested his body against a tree trunk. He opened his legs wide and invited me to sit between them. I rested my head against his chest and started to relax.

There was a young family tossing a Frisbee to each other. The youngest child, a girl about four years old with blond hair tied in pigtails started to cry every time she missed the Frisbee thrown by her brother. Undeterred, Chase stood up and walked over to the little girl and very patiently showed her how to use her hand to cradle and catch the disc. He continued to give her a lesson teaching her how to throw it straight. I was completely caught up in admiring him, and couldn’t help but think that he was going to be an incredible father someday. As he walked over, he caught me smiling at him.

He sat down in his original position sliding between the tree trunk and me. Once he was comfortably settled he rested his hand on my leg while drawing small little patterns with his thumb.

“So, what’s the deal between you and your ex?”

I knew that this was the lawyer in him; asking a question when I least expected it so I didn’t have time to rehearse my answer. Although I had thought about it many times, the question still hit me hard. The guilt of seeing Brad last night started to sink in.

“Brad and I dated for two years.” I paused for a moment, looking around the park to gather my thoughts. “We broke up a little less than a month ago; he’s not handling it very well.”

I didn’t want to spoil the whole day talking about my past relationship, but I felt I should explain why things were so tense and uncomfortable last night when Brad showed up at the bar.

Chase closed his arms around me from behind pulling me tight against his solid frame making me feel safe and relaxed.

“Despite what you saw last night, he really is a great guy.” My head dropped recounting the details of our breakup. “But, when I found the engagement ring he had planned on giving me, something inside me changed. I couldn’t explain it, but all of a sudden I knew in that moment, that as much as I loved Brad, he wasn’t the one and what we had wouldn’t be enough. “

Talking about it sucked, but it felt good to get it off my chest.

“Once I realized he planned to ask me to marry him, I knew what I had to do. I broke up with him that night knowing I was breaking his heart in the process. He thinks I just need time to sort through my feelings, but I know in my heart it’s over.”

As much as I didn’t want to blame things on the ring I really couldn’t help it. It’s not like Brad and I had never talked about a future. Logically, I always knew it would be the next step but I was nowhere near engagement territory. Seeing the ring that day was like hearing the shot clock buzzer at a Knicks game; my time was up. There was no more time to catch up and our relationship had gone as far as it would go. All the time in the world wasn’t going to change how I felt. In that single moment, I realized it wasn’t there for me and it never would be.

While pausing to take a breath, Chase’s arms tighten around me, “Is there a chance he was right, that you just got spooked when you saw the engagement ring?”

I immediately felt some anxiety trying to figure out the best way to answer that. I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t in tune enough with my feelings to know what I wanted. I let out another deep sigh and decided to forge ahead with the truth.

“In the end, I just couldn't get myself to be in the same place as he was. What I felt for him was love and affection but it just wasn’t enough for me to marry him. Had I said yes, I would have been settling for good enough. I couldn’t do that to him. He deserved so much more than I would have given him. I could have found a way to make it work but I cared too much about him to settle. If anyone deserves to be happy it’s him.”

After a long pause, he asked, “I’m assuming you tried to explain this to him?”

Releasing a deep breath, I replied, “Yes, but he’s still hurting and stuck in the past. Not to sound cliché, but I still care about Brad as person.”

Seeing that we were still on this topic, I decided to take advantage of the situation and press him for a little information. It dawned on me that I knew absolutely nothing about his personal life, but he seemed to know my whole life story.

I slowly peeked up at him, “How about you? I’m assuming you haven’t been single your whole life. …Any ex-girlfriends waiting in the wings? Or do you just do casual no strings attached arrangements?”

There was a fine line between nervous and insecure and it was possible that I may have just crossed it. His smile faded and his eyes grew serious.

He looked away and dragged his hands through his hair. ‘I’m sorry my past isn’t something I enjoy talking about. To answer your question, yes, there was someone once.” He paused pursing his lips together. “My relationship wasn’t nearly as endearing as the one you just described.” He sighed deeply and ran his hands through his gorgeous hair again. “It didn’t end well.”

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