Page 55 of Hard To Love

My body was laced with nervous energy during the twenty-minute cab ride. That’s why, as soon as we pulled up to his apartment building, I pressed the bills in the driver’s hand then raced towards the front desk. I gave the guard my name, which apparently was still on the approved list because he sent me directly towards the elevators without calling up to the apartment. The ride up to Chase’s floor seemed to take forever, as a number of terrible scenarios ran through my mind. My heart was beating rapidly by the time I approached his apartment.

Almost instantly, the door swung open and Colin greeted me. A flash of relief seemed to spread across his features as he gestured with his hands for me to come inside.

As I walked through the foyer, my eyes slowly traveled around the apartment. My nose caught a whiff of old Chinese takeout containers that were scattered all over the kitchen. And the smell of stale beer and liquor bottles made its way in from the living room.

The sound of the terrace door slamming shut startled me, then a familiar voice almost knocked me off balance, “Who the hell is here?”

Chase’s steps slowedas soon as he saw me. My breathing picked up at the sight of him.

He looked awful, his otherwise perfectly-styled hair was a mess. His face was covered with multiple days of unshaven scruff and he looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. His once steely blue eyes were now flat, outlined by dark circles underneath them. As he approached me, I could smell the liquor on his breath. I winced at the sight of him because this was not the Chase I knew.

“What are you doing here?”

My brain immediately went into panic mode, as I tried to not be offended by his tone. Colin cleared his throat and explained. ”I called her.”

Surprised by this admission, Chase snapped his head towards his brother. “Why? Why did you do that?”

“I think you know why. I can’t in good conscience let this shit continue.”

I physically ached at the sight of him. I found myself wanting to reach out to touch and hold him, even though he had been the sole source of my heartache.

Colin reached for one of the beers sitting on the coffee table, he chugged the contents and slammed the bottle down with a thud. His arms folded across his chest as he leaned up against the wall.

“Megan’s not Chase’s secret. She’s mine.”

I alternated my stare between Chase and Colin, not sure what he meant. “Emily, I’m married. Megan and I have been seeing each other on and off, for a while.”

My eyes widened in shock. “Chase has been covering for me. See,” he closed his eyes, “my wife is pregnant and she’s been on bed rest due to some complications during her first trimester. Everything with the baby is okay, now, but we’re still being pretty cautious. My wife was starting to get a little suspicious, wondering why Megan always seemed to be around. I told her that she and Chase had a thing going on. My wife isn’t stupid though, so I needed to have Chase bring Megan to the party to throw off her suspicions. I thought that if Elizabeth saw them together that she would believe me.” He tugged on the collar of his white polo shirt as if his lungs were straining to breathe. When he leveled his gaze back on mine, there was a look of panic in his eyes.“I love my wife and I realize that I’ve screwed things up royally. We’re starting a family, and I need to try to make things right, but I’m really not sure how to fix this and keep us together. Megan told me that if I even think about ending things with her, she’ll go straight to Elizabeth and tell her the truth.”

I wasn’t sure what to do with this information. Relief should have taken over by now, but there was still so much that needed to be explained.

I turned to Chase. “Are you ready to talk to me about this?”

Colin snatched his keys and cell phone off the kitchen counter. “It’s probably best that the two you talk privately,” he said, patting Chase on the back and giving me a silent nod as he quietly exited the room.

Once I heard the door click shut, I turned to face him. “I’m going to make a pot of coffee. Go sit down on the sofa.”

A slow grin spread across his face. “Bossing me around now are you?”

Was he serious? Did he honestly think popping that fucking dimple out at me was going to work its usual magic? He had another think coming.

My eyes narrowed hoping to send him a message, “I’m not here to flirt with you. I’m here to talk.”

His shoulders slouched forward. Message received.

I started cleaning up the kitchen while waiting for the coffee to brew. My eyes latched onto him as he sat on the edge of the sofa with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. I walked over, and took a seat beside him and placed a steaming cup of coffee down in front of him. I pulled my knees up to my chest, and clutched the coffee cup in my hands while savoring the aroma. With a small clearing of my throat, I turned towards him, letting him know I was ready to listen.

After taking a sip of his coffee, he turned slowly so he was facing me. “I don’t even know where to start.”

“Why don’t we start with why you lied to me?”

He lifted his head up in confusion. “Lied to you?”

“You told me that Megan was just an employee. Then you told me that you slept with her. Which one is it?” I held my breath knowing the answer I was praying for probably wouldn’t be the one I would get. Even though Colin had admitted to having an affair with Megan, my heart knew that there was more to the story. His deliberate pause both then and now, confirmed my suspicions.

He worked a tight swallow down his throat, taking any flicker of hope I had with it. “It’s complicated.”

The impact was almost as bad as the first time. He scratched the top of his head. “Can I start from the beginning, please? It might help you understand better.”

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