Page 61 of Hard To Love

“Were you just going to ignore me all night?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t see you there.” I lied, hoping to disguise the heartbreak I was feeling all the way down to my core.

“Really? Because it was pretty damn obvious to everyone else that you looked right at me and kept on walking.”

He was pissed. What right did he have to be angry with me? I wasn’t the one who was being called by the blonde bombshell. Did he expect me to just wait my turn and speak when she was done licking his ear?

“I didn’t want to intrude on your date with Blondie.”

He laughed at my reply. How the hell could he find humor in such a humiliating situation? I was turning to leave when his hand reached out and grabbed my arm. The tingling feeling caused by the simple connection between our two bodies was hard to ignore.

“You honestly think I would bring a date here? The only reason I even came, was so I could see you. By the way, if you are referring to Sara, she’s an attorney at my firm who had her husband directly in tow. Something you would have seen had you decided to stick around.”

“What do you want from me?” I exhaled, trying to sound more confident than I felt.

“I just want the chance to talk to you. By the way, you look absolutely breathtaking.” He said as his eyes wandered up and down my body, zeroing in on my mouth. It surprised me that in spite of everything that had happened, our physical connection was still as strong as ever.

That connection had me taking a step back. “Now that you have seen me, what is it that you would like to talk about?”

“Can we go somewhere private to talk?” He asked, glancing around the room, looking for a secluded spot.

“I guess that depends,” I said, tilting my head to the side. “Has anything changed since we were together last time?”

He closed his eyes. “If you’re asking me if Elizabeth knows about Colin and Megan yet, then the answer is no.”

“I never asked you to rat your brother out, Chase. I asked you to stop pretending to be in a relationship with her. They are two totally different things.”

“I told Colin that once the baby was born, I was done. I was no longer going to lie for him. He was going to have to learn to deal with his own problems.” His voice was strained but sincere. My heavy eyes closed in disbelief. He still didn’t get it.

There was a long pause as I shook my head in frustration. “I thought that maybe with a little time, you would realize how messed up this situation is. If my walking out on us wasn’t enough motivation to get you to see the light, I’m afraid that nothing else will. I told you before, I’m not going to just sit around and wait.”

His calm resolve was starting to crack. He shoved his hands into his pockets and glared at me, “I never asked you to sit on the fucking sidelines and wait for me. I asked you for a little patience and understanding. For Christ’s sake, Emily, this is my niece or nephew we are talking about. I couldn’t give a shit about my brother at this point.”

Tears started to sting my eyes. It was his brother that was using him as a front man and taking advantage of his loyalty, and somehow, I was the one in the wrong. I understood the fact that Colin's wife was having a risky pregnancy and the extra stress could jeopardize the health of the unborn child. Ratting out Colin to his wife, and ending the fake relationshipwith Megan were two totally different things. I was shocked that he still didn’t see why that was an issue for me. Something told me if the situation were reversed, he would have a major problem with me pretending to be intimate with an ex-lover. This was insane yet I started to wonder if maybe Iwasthe one in the wrong.

“I don’t want to keep rehashing old arguments. Clearly, we just don’t seem to see eye to eye on this. I’m not backing down and apparently, you aren’t either. I can’t do this with you anymore, Chase.”

I turned on my heels to walk away, but his hurtful words forced me to stop in my tracks. “That’s it, Emily. Walk away, just like you always fucking do. It’s what you do best. Go live your nice, little perfect life where everything makes sense. Sorry that I’ve been a fucking disappointment to you.”

How many times in one lifetime can one heart shatter? How much agony can one person experience? Tears fell from my eyes as I headed back to my friends. He didn’t even try to stop me this time.

* * *

My mouth wasdry and itching for something cold to wash down the sting that settled in the back of my throat. My tense shoulders physically nudged other women out of my way, even catching a couple frosty stares as I placed an order with the bartender. The cool, welcoming burn of the Jack and Coke hit the spot.

But, why did pushing him away make me feel like shit?

The bartender had found his way back to me, just as I finished up my mixed drink. I ordered a shot of Jack and instantly downed the liquid when it arrived.

I just wanted to stop feeling.

My fingers swiped against my lips, hoping to remove the lingering burn of the whiskey. I nodded to the bartender to pour another shot and closed my eyes, and silently prayed that the effects of the alcohol would take my pain away. I was such a coward. I couldn’t believe my life with Chase was over. Where the hell was Cassie when I needed her? When the second shot arrived, I tossed it back like an alcoholic who had just started a three-day bender.

“Hey, it looks like you could use a friend,” I turned to see a man who had skillfully worked himself through the crowd, and created a space for himself to my left. My eyes dragged up to a face that was almost eight inches higher than mine and very attractive. For a brief moment, I took in the dark stubble of his jaw, and wondered if I could actually do this.

The handsome stranger continued to stare at me with a thoughtful glance, “You look familiar. Did we go to school together?”

My eyes squinted to make his face come into better focus. My brain started to scan through my memory, “I don’t believe so.” He didn’t look familiar and he was attractive enough that I would have remembered him.

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