Page 63 of Hard To Love

Chapter Twenty-One

Ihada hard time concentrating on the dessert menu as my eyes kept glancing over at the clock above the restaurant exit. The minutes started to slow to an impossible pace, as I waited for my date to come to an end.

Tim was a guy who worked in my office. He was relatively new and very easy on the eyes. Unfortunately, I couldn’t bring myself to feel anything for him. But when he approached me in the copier room and asked me out for the second time, I figured why the hell not?

“Where exactly are you from?” I asked then glanced around the room. The restaurant he picked was an impressive choice; a trendy and ‘impossible to get reservations at’ kind of place. He sure knew how to make an impression.

“Hoboken, New Jersey,” he said with a hint of a Jersey accent that I hadn’t picked up on before.

I sat there and studied him for a minute. He was a handsome guy with sandy brown hair, well dressed, and very charming. That’s why I was so torn when I caught myself staring at the clock. When you added everything up, it was a very nice date and he was a really nice guy. My mind immediately got stuck on the word ‘nice’. I knew it wasn’t fair to compare, but I found myself craving a beautiful pair of icy blue eyes to gaze into instead of the unfamiliar ones staring back at me.

“I love that town,” I said with a little too much enthusiasm. “I’m actually a huge fan of Cake Boss. My friend Cassie and I once went there, stood in line for two hours then walked out with a hundred dollars worth of pastries.”

Tim laughed, “It’s easy to do. I actually know the family so if you ever have a craving, just let me know.”

My eyes grew wide. “You may just be my new best friend.”

Tim slowly sipped his wine. “Friend, huh?”

Oh god, I’m so awful! Way to ruin a first date by throwing the guy into the friend zone. I swear I was going to end up a lonely old woman with an apartment full of cats. That thought was really depressing, especially since I was allergic.

Our conversation was interrupted when the waitress approached and set the dessert plates down in front of us. Just as she started to walk away, I noticed that a server had cleared my silverware and I turned to get our waitresses attention.

“Excuse me.” I said holding my hand up. What I saw forced all the blood to drain from my face.

My eyes blinked a couple of times in disbelief as I adjusted them to see across the dimly lit restaurant. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t tear them away.

Chase was against the bar with his trademark smile taking over his face, wearing his dark blue Armani dress shirt and black dress pants that looked like they were made just for him. But what had my breath catching in the back of my throat was the beautiful, tall brunette sitting next to him.

My hard gaze raked her over from head to toe. She was wearing a skintight red dress that was two sizes too small, a pair of fake boobs that were two sizes too big and a face that looked so natural I was sure it had been worked on professionally a number of times. Despite those imperfections, I hated her because she was absolutely beautiful.

I reached for my water glass with shaky hands, trying to ignore the way my heart was pounding against my chest.

Tim sat up straight in his chair, noticing all the color drain from my face. “Are you okay? You look a little pale.”

I faked a smile and tried to keep my voice steady. “I’m fine. It’s just that my stomach is feeling a little off. I must have eaten something that didn’t agree with me.”

He nodded his head seeming satisfied with my answer as we continued our conversation. I tried really hard to focus on what he was saying, I really did. But my thoughts and my eyes kept glancing over at the bar. Chase turned his head sideways practically ignoring his companion who seemed to giggle at every little thing he was saying. It was actually quite annoying.

When our eyes locked, a knot twisted inside of me. It had been a week since I saw him at the gala; the intense encounter was still fresh on my mind. I spent the entire night bawling my eyes out and the days that followed were a struggle just to get out of bed in the morning. The entire scene seemed to play on repeat in my head, making me sick to my stomach. He was so angry; I had never seen him look at me like that. But as his cold eyes slid over to my date, I felt a shiver travel through my spine.

That strong muscular jaw was set in stone; the lips that I used to love to kiss were now pressed into a tight line. He looked like he was so in control, almost too confident as if he were trying too hard. Then he surprised me by throwing me a smug grin right before he turned away and laced his arm around the back of his date’s chair.

Tim’s eyes scanned my face, “do you know that couple over there?” He asked pointing in Chase’s direction. When I opened my mouth to respond, it felt like I was watching a horror scene play out in front of me when his date reached over and planted her mouth on his.

My stomach sunk and my heart stilled. There was no way I would be able to sit here and watch him with another woman. It felt like someone had slapped me across the face with a hard dose of reality. In my heart, he was still mine, but as far as my eyes could see, I had lost him. And there was no one to blame but myself. Seeing another woman touch those same lips that once belonged to me, and watching her hands slide along the same arms that used to hold me, and make me feel safe, felt like someone had reached inside my chest and pulled the life out of me. There was no sting; there was no burn, only cold hard truth. I had walked away from the only man who would forever own my heart, and now I had to live with the consequences.

My eyes stung with tears, there was no point in lying. “Tim, I’m so sorry. I need to use the restroom.”

His face scrunched up in concern. “You’re obviously upset.” He eyes swung over to where Chase was sitting at the bar. “Who is that man to you?”

I swallowed past the thickness of my throat, while my fingers swiped a tear that had fallen. “He’s my ex.”

Tim straightened up in his seat. Sympathy swam in his eyes. I didn’t deserve his kindness. Whatever hope I had before about moving on, had disappeared. I clearly wasn’t ready to move forward. It didn’t matter if my head was telling me it was the right thing to do, or if it was the next step in the right direction. My heart had not healed. It still beat for another man. Until my head could sort out all my feelings, I needed to put my dating life on hold.

“What can I do?” He asked, breaking through my thoughts.

Jesus! Could he have been any more considerate? I stood up from table and tried to balance myself on shaky legs.

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