Page 41 of Hard To Leave

Chapter 13

Chloe

“Haveyou thought about our conversation since we last spoke?” Carly asked, leaning back and adjusting her big black sunglasses over her eyes.

I looked out to my son who was in all his glory as he rode wave after wave. I glanced away, trying to shield the sun from my eyes. “I have; a lot, actually.” Our conversation had been playing on repeat in my head. “I’m still not sure what I want to do.”

It felt like I was being tested as a parent and as a person. I closed my eyes for a moment, listening to the waves as they inched closer and closer. Tanner’s carefree giggles made me pop my eyes open. He was running toward me holding a seashell in his hands, calling out, “Mom, Mom, look…”

As he got closer, it really struck me how much he resembled his father. It almost made my heart hurt. “Thank you, Tanner,” I said, taking the shell from his hands. We always brought a jar to the beach with us. He loved to collect whatever he could find—from shells to rocks to seaweed. If it was washed up from the ocean and caught his eye, it went home with us.

“I’m going to see if I can catch some big waves.” He pointed back out to the water.

“Don’t go out too far,” I reminded him.

He rolled his eyes and picked up his boogie board. “Mom, I know. I’m not a baby anymore.”

Carly snorted next to me. “I don’t know how he can stand that freezing water,” she said, dipping her feet in the sand. The sun was shining, and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

“Little kids are temperature-insensitive when it comes to swimming in the cold water.” I smiled, watching Tanner get knocked over by a wave. He stood up, shook out his hair and laughed.

Carly dipped her toes in the sand. “I don’t want to keep rehashing this conversation, but you’re going to need to make a decision about Brogan eventually. You can’t keep putting it off. He called me the other day and asked if I’d talked to yet?”

I placed my hands behind my neck and leaned back, staring up into the sky. Normally, the ocean brought me peace and calm, but my emotions today were anything but comforting and relaxing.

“I don’t know if I can do it, Carly. There are too many reasons not to tell him, and I’m not sure it’s worth the risk.” I could see the disappointment in her eyes as I continued. “You have to see things from my point of view. As much as you don’t want to admit it, there is a chance that Brogan could make things very difficult for me. I know that sounds selfish, but Tanner is my entire world. Everything I’ve done up until this point has been to protect him.” She started to sit up and speak, but I stopped her. “Can you imagine what kind of world I would be throwing him into? Can you imagine the kind of change and adjustments we would have to make?” I turned my head to see him jumping through the water. “Look at him, Carly, he’s so happy right now. He can live a normal life. That would all change, and I’m not sure it would be for the better.”

Carly pulled her glasses off her face and pushed them over the top of her head. “Chloe, celebrities have kids all the time. Just because Brogan’s famous, that doesn’t mean that Tanner’s going to end up with his own reality show or share a rehab facility with Demi Lovato. He’s a great kid. You’ve done a wonderful job raising him. I don’t think Brogan’s lifestyle is as much of a threat as you do. Growing up without a dad could end up being a much bigger problem for him than you realize.”

“You don’t know that” I snapped back.

“Neither one of us know what would happen. But you know Brogan and the type of person he is. Do you honestly think he wouldn’t love that boy and protect him with his life?”

What was her problem? She was supposed to be my best friend. Since when did she go all team Brogan on me? “Why are you pushing this so hard, Carly?”

“Because I care about you and Tanner.” She pressed on. “You two are my family, and I want what’s best for both of you. I get why you never told him, but I’m telling you now, he’s not that guy anymore. He’s sober, more mature, and by all accounts, he seems to have his act together. Also, we both know that no matter how hard you try, this secret will most likely get out, and if you’re not in control of how it’s shared, it could cause more damage than you realize.”

“You got all this from one conversation with him?”

I was the one who’d been in a relationship with him. She didn’t know him like I did. And truthfully, neither one of us knew who he was today. That’s the part that had me stuck. I had no idea how much or in what ways he’s changed, but I would be a fool to think that he hasn’t over time.

“There will come a day where Tanner will want to know more about his father. You need to think about that day and how you’re going to handle it.”

Her words hit too close to home for me. A big part of me knew she was right, but it didn’t take long to convince myself that I only did what I had to do. Just a stroll through the grocery store aisle and reading the tabloid headlines would easily support that joining Brogan Hayes’s life would be a circus.

He may have turned his life around, and if he has, I wished him all the best, but I wasn’t ready to gamble with my son’s life and the stability I’ve build for us.

I rose from the ground and dusted the sand off my shorts. “I appreciate the concern, but I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“I’m just giving my opinion. I’m on your side always.” She stood and slipped her flip-flops on. “I also emailed you his contact information in case you change your mind.”

My irritation with her was growing more intense than it should have. Carly and I have never fought. We were always a team. Even though I believed her words to be true, I couldn’t help but feel a slight shift in our friendship. “I’ve gotta run a few errands and get the house ready for Jack tonight.” I bent over and started to pack up our stuff to bring to the car.

“Right,” she said, not bothering to look in my direction. “Let me know how everything goes with Jack and Tanner.”

I felt like shit. None of this was her fault, but this conversation had me wanting to pull my hair out.

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

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