Page 16 of Whatever You Need

I lookedoutside the window at the winter wonderland laid out below me. I woke up this morning feeling relaxed and well-rested until I reached across the bed and realized that Amelia was gone. Normally, I would have been excited about being spared the awkward “morning after” goodbye, but this time was different. I wasn’t sure what I expected when I invited her up to my room last night, but judging by how disappointed I was with waking up alone, I’d say I got way more than I bargained for.

I took a sip of my coffee and noticed the snowplows had been out all night, trying to clear the main roads, but the side streets were still pretty slick. I knew things would be a mess at Mom’s house, so I took a hot shower, got dressed, and headed over to her place.

It seemed like every idiot in Philadelphia who had never driven in the snow decided to hit the roads this morning. When I pulled up to her house, I could see the city plows had packed the end of her driveway with a hefty amount of snow to remove. I trudged a path to her garage and grabbed the same shovel I used when I was a kid and began to clear out her driveway and sidewalk.

By the time I finished, it was mid-afternoon. I fixed myself a bowl of freshly made Italian Wedding soup and parked my butt at the kitchen table.

I sipped on my Diet Coke and scrolled through my phone. I got an email notification from the hotel telling me that my room charge was credited back to my account. My lips tilted up in a smile. Maybe I should stop by the Autograph this week and thank Amelia in person for taking care of my bill.

“Hey, Marco. Did you hear what I said?”

My head whipped up to see my mom standing in front of me. I didn’t even hear her walk back into the room. She was wearing her usual black shirt and black pants. It was the only color she wore these days. Hell, even her apron was black. It was such a contrast to the colorful blues, yellows, and reds she wore growing up. Everything about her was brighter back then, even her smile. My father’s death had been difficult for all of us, but for my mamma, he was her entire world. I searched her face, noticing lines around her eyes that weren’t there before. She looked tired, and suddenly my conversation with Matteo the night before was fresh on my mind.

“I’m sorry, Mamma, what was that?” I couldn’t even pretend to know what she had asked me.

Her brow furrowed. “I asked if you’d drop off some soup to your grandmother today. The food at the senior home isn’t good and she needs to eat something. You know how stubborn she can be.”

My grandmother was straight off the boat and moved to America when she was ten. Her stubbornness and love for good food was genetic.

“Sure.”

She ladled the soup in a plastic container and wrapped up some fresh Italian bread in tin foil. She placed everything in a reused Macy’s bag and set it in front of me.

She looked down at me staring into my soup bowl. “Marco, what’s wrong?”

I reached for her hand. “Mamma, please sit. I want to talk to you.”

She untied her apron and pulled out the chair next to me. “Tell me,figliuolo, what’s troubling you?”

“I’m sorry about the way I reacted yesterday. I stormed out of here like a child.”

She patted my arm. I noticed the smooth skin on her hand had wrinkled with age. Where does the time go? I stroked my thumb over her knuckles, wishing I could rid myself of the guilt I felt.

“Don’t ever apologize for how you feel,” she said softly.

I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed the back. “If you want to see Aunt Connie and her family at Christmas, I will be okay.”

“Marco, you don’t have to…”

“Please, Mamma, I do.” I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. “Do it. It’s the right thing to do. I know it’s complicated, and I know you’re worried about me, but I’ll be fine. Right now, I’m more concerned about you.”

She was the strength of this family. The anchor that kept us grounded. I’d spent the last ten years wrapped up in my own feelings that I forgot how important Aunt Connie was to her. I was so caught up hating my cousin that I didn’t see how much my mother was hurting.

Concern tightened around the corner of her eyes. “Marco…” she paused, unsure if she should continue. “Do you still love Sienna?”

In all the years that the rift has been going on in our family, she’s never asked me that. I’m sure she’s wondered why I never brought any girlfriends home to meet her. “I promise you I don’t love her like that anymore.” This is where it got tricky. “Antonio’s betrayal is what hurt the most. I know God wants me to turn the cheek and forgive, but I guess I haven’t been very good at that.” I exhaled slowly. “I don’t know how I will feel when I see them, but that’s for me to worry about. You need your family.”

She shook her head sternly; the concern in her voice was strong. “My darling boy, you don’t understand, they hurt you and when you hurt, I hurt.”

“I know that, Mamma, but I’m not hurting anymore.”

She looked up at me with worried eyes. “If you’re sure about this…”

“I’m a thousand percent sure.”

“Okay, I’ll tell Connie we can do Christmas together, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t be cursing Antonio and Sienna out in my head.” A tiny smile crept across her lips. “You know, I always had my doubts about that girl and after everything she put you through…” her voice trailed off.

“None of that matters anymore,” I told her gently. If I could take one more worry off her list, or distract her from her grief in any way, I would in a heartbeat. “Honestly, even if I could go back in time and do anything differently, I don’t think I would. Sienna and I ended up exactly where we were meant to be.”

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