Page 70 of Fumbled Love

I kept telling myself that loving someone shouldn’t be this difficult.

“Some things can’t be fixed.” I wiped my eyes, trying to get the tears to stop flowing. “It hurt seeing you with her. It destroyed me to read all those comments. I hate that my privacy has been shot to shit, and this all happened when you decided you needed some arm candy for a damn fundraiser.”

His face filled with regret. “You have every right to be mad at me. I fucked up and made a bad decision.”

“Every decision has consequences,” I snapped, scrubbing a hand against my wet cheek.

“So, you’re going to punish me?” His voice broke. “Is that what this is about?”

I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut. “Did you even stop to think how I would feel once I saw those pictures of the two of you on a date? Because let’s be honest, that’s exactly what it was.”

His gaze fell to the floor. “I don’t know what I can say at this point, Kinley, other than I fucked up. I’m sorry. I don’t know what else I can do other than apologize and ask for forgiveness. I didn’t cheat on you, that much I can promise you. I’m committed to you. Only you.” He lifted his eyes to meet mine. “You’re the mother of my unborn child. I have too much respect for you.”

Somehow, those words had the opposite effect of what he was hoping for. They struck a chord with me because they’d been in the back of my mind since the beginning.

“The mother of your unborn child, is that what I am to you?”

His one eyebrow rose slowly. “Is that a trick question?”

“Do you want to know what I think? I think this relationship was built around the baby. If I wasn’t pregnant there would be nothing else holding us together.”

“You’re jumping to conclusions. You think I’m with you because it’s convenient?”

When I didn’t respond, his face fell.

We might have started out with the best of intentions, but somewhere along the way, things started to change. Maybe we convinced ourselves that time was all we needed. We both wanted the best for this child, but my doubts and insecurities reminded me that a relationship might not be possible.

“How long have you been telling yourself that, Kinley?” His eyes flickered in panic. “I made a dumb decision, okay. And you deserve to be pissed, but the reasons why I’m with you have nothing to do with the baby. This thing started the second I laid eyes on you in the crowded airport. I wanted you then. I want you now. I’m pretty sure I will always want you.”

I wiped at the tears flowing down my face. I had to brush my hair back because it was sticking to my skin. “I don’t want you to just want me. I want you to love me.”

“Kinley. I…”

“No!” I shook my head. “Don’t say it now. Don’t say it because you feel backed into a corner. When and if you say it, I want to hear the words because you mean them, not because you feel pressured to say them.”

“You realize I’m in a no-win situation right now, right?”

My heart pounded in my chest, at war with what I wanted and what I knew was right. There was so much doubt in my head, and it was too much for me to handle. It felt like my life was spinning out of control, and I was being hit at every angle.

“I don’t want to spend this pregnancy stressing and worrying.” We stared at each other; so much emotion passed between us. I needed to get the words out before my throat started closing up. “I think it’s best if we break up.”

He staggered back with a look of devastation on his face. The pain in his eyes was unbearable. I wanted to offer him comfort, but I wasn’t in a position to give it to him. My heart was decimated and it hurt a thousand times worse than I thought it would.

“I thought if I explained to you what happened, that you would understand and we would be okay. But I can see by this conversation, no matter how hard I try to explain my actions, you’re still going to fight me on whatever I say. I can’t change who I am, Kinley. I shouldn’t lose you over a simple mistake. I never cheated on you. I never lied to you.”

“This isn’t just about those articles. This was a test and we failed. I should have trusted you. You shouldn’t have taken her in the first place. You knew there would be cameras and reporters there.”

“That’s just it. I was trying to keep them from finding out about you.”

My eyes welled with tears; everything hurt. I needed him to go and take this pain with him. I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and forget the last twenty-four hours happened. Only I knew it wouldn’t be enough.

“What this proved is that I’m not cut out for this lifestyle. You asked me to promise to tell you if I thought I couldn’t handle it, and here I am. As much as I want to be with you, we will never work.”

“Yeah, I get it, I really do. I just wish you had told me before I went and fell in love with you.”

I hiccupped a sob as the pain sliced through me. I wanted to take it all back. Beg him to stay and erase the last thirty minutes and start over. I didn’t want to lose him, but something told me our ending was inevitable.

He walked to the door, and when he turned around, the despair in his eyes sent me over the edge. “I’ll see you at your next doctor’s appointment.”

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