Page 71 of Fumbled Love

I couldn’t hold back my sobs anymore; it was pointless. The dam in my chest broke loose, so I let it all out. Never in my life had I ever felt so hopeless. So shattered and completely broken. I always thought he would be the one to break my heart. But, in reality, I was the one who severed both of ours.

CHAPTER25

KINLEY

“Thanks for helping out tonight,”Chad said, wiping off the counter in the commercial kitchen, where we had prepped food for tomorrow. Once a month, he volunteered to help his staff prepare a few hot meals to be delivered to homeless people living on the street.

“You don’t need to thank me, it felt good to be able to help out. This is a great program. I just wish there was more we could do to help them.”

“Me too. Unfortunately, a lot of these people are dealing with drug addiction, mental health, and physical disabilities. We can give them a hot meal, emergency supplies, and try to connect with them, but many are reluctant to accept assistance. All we can do is let them know we aren’t giving up and we’re here and ready to help.”

Hearing the counselors tell stories about their day-to-day struggles put things into perspective. I felt guilty complaining about my life. I had hot food, a warm bed, and a roof over my head. Most of these people had nothing.

I also had a broken heart that wouldn’t heal and no one to blame but myself.

I’d spent the last week living on donuts and pizza, watching Netflix, and avoiding social media. The only time I left my apartment was for work. Hiding from the world and pretending that Maverick didn’t exist couldn’t go on forever, though.

I knew the season was winding down, which was a busy time for him. The last thing he needed to deal with was a hormonal pregnant lady who couldn’t get a hold of her damn emotions. So, I made the decision that we would talk once the season was over. He just didn’t know that yet.

Chad placed his hand on my shoulder. “Are you feeling okay?” His concerned gaze searched my face.

“I’m just overwhelmed and emotional.” I dashed a tear from under my eye. “It’s just pregnancy hormones.”

“I’m sure the paparazzi hounding you everywhere you go isn’t helping either.”

A heavy sigh escaped before I could stop it. “It was inevitable.”

Every time a camera would flash in my face and ask me for a comment, I would keep my head down and continue walking. Thanks to Della selling her bullshit story to the tabloids, I was the most hated woman in America. My biggest fear had become my reality. The media was making me out to be the other woman, and there was nothing I could say or do to redeem myself in their eyes. All I could do was pray they would get bored with me and move on to the next story.

“Have you talked to him?”

“Just through text.”

He made a point of letting me know he was taking care of things. Every text was short and straight to the point. And every day I’d fall further into depression.

“Good,” he said quietly. “I don’t know everything that happened between you two, I only know that he hurt you.”

“I’m not innocent in this. We hurt each other.” I blinked the tears away, hoping they would disappear. “I hate that I doubted him and didn’t trust my instincts. I hate that I allowed Della to come between us, but that’s all irrelevant because this story was just the tip of the iceberg if I stayed with him.”

“I know you cared about him, but he wasn’t the right man for you.” His hands went to my shoulders, and my stomach clenched when I saw the look of longing in his gaze. “I meant what I said, Kinley. I’ll always be here for you. I would never hurt you.”

My body went still. I tried to think of something I could say, but my brain was misfiring. Maybe I was reading too much into it, because I thought we had turned a corner. Chad has been wonderful through all this, stopping by to drop off food, holding my hand while I cried, never once leaving my side, all the while ensuring me that everything would be okay. Perhaps, I’d been so messed up in my own head that I thought he understood that I only needed him as a friend. “Chad, thank you for all you’ve done for me, and I appreciate having you in my life, but I don’t want to give you any mixed signals.”

He nibbled on his bottom lip like he was mulling something over. “I know you don’t feel that way now, but do you think with him being out of the picture, that could change?”

I knew what he wanted me to say, but I’ve always been honest with him and wasn’t going to start lying now. “Chad, it doesn’t matter if I’m with Maverick or not. My feelings about you will not change. Not now. Not ever.” His hands dropped. “I’m sorry.”

He nodded his head, and I hated the awkwardness between us. I thought with a little effort, we could return to where we were before. Now, I wondered if our friendship would ever be the same again.

“It was worth a shot.” He sighed. “I just want you to be happy. I want to see you smile again.” I wanted that too. I just wasn’t sure if it would be happening anytime soon.

“Thank you. I know talking about this isn’t easy for you.”

He let out a hard laugh. “No, it’s not. I hate him. I hate that he hurt you. I hate that he broke your heart. I hate that he had something so precious and let it slip away.”

I shook my head, letting him know that wasn’t entirely true. “I knew what I was getting into. I can’t lay all the blame at his feet.” I placed my hand on my stomach. “I also don’t regret him, not when he gave me this.”

He cleared his throat, and shifted on his feet. “Speaking of the baby, you need to eat something. Why don’t you sit down on one of those stools over by the stove while I make you a grilled cheese sandwich?”

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