Page 55 of Fumbled Beginning

He wasn’t wrong. Playing cards was like playing golf; even if you sucked at it, you still played. For the past three years, we got together one Wednesday night a month for poker during our off-season. Over time, marriage, kids, and life, in general, have whittled our original group of eight down to four.

“These cards suck,” Beckett grumbled, tossing two cards into the pile.

Rhett dealt him two more. Everyone pulled new cards, and the bid moved around the table.

“So, Mav is cool with you dating his sister, huh?” Morris asked and glared at Beckett, who raised the bid five dollars.

“Yeah, and thank fuck for that. Makes my life a hell of a lot easier.” I sighed, folding on a shitty pair of threes. As the guys said, I sucked.

Morris laid down three tens, figuring the pot was all his. Beckett flipped over a hand full of garbage, and Rhett dramatically laid down a full house—aces over kings. The guy was so damn lucky at cards; it was ridiculous.

“I’m calling dibs on best man.” Rhett grinned while soaking up his winnings.

“If anyone is best man, it’s going to be Mav,” Morris said and popped a chip in his mouth.

“Nope.” Rhett shook his head. “Best man throws the bachelor party. And unlike Beckett’s pathetic little snooze fest. JP here deserves the best. I’m talking Vegas, strippers, casinos. The whole shebang.”

“Jesus, will you guys knock it off. I’m not getting married.” I was, however, going to need to get wasted if they kept this up.

“Ever?” Rhett looked offended by my answer. “Because you really like Rylee, right?”

I more than liked Rylee. She was the first girl in a long time that I’d been with that I had actual feelings for. I was comfortable with her. I liked falling asleep with her in my arms and waking up with her in the mornings. There were so many things about her that were different; it was as if she had turned on a switch inside of me.

“Just because I have feelings for her, that doesn’t mean I’m going to marry her. This is pretty new territory for me, boys.” I scratched the back of my neck. “Besides, I’m not sure if marriage is an option for me.”

There was no doubt I wanted a wife and kids someday, but as long as I was anchored to my past, there was a good chance that marriage would never be in the cards for me.

“Why the hell not?” Beckett asked. “Do you have some deep, dark secret that you’re hiding from us, or are you just against marriage altogether?”

He was hitting too close to home. I loved my friends and trusted them, just not enough to confide in them about my past and the real reason why I might never get married. I wasn’t ready to share that with anyone. They didn’t know about Caroline. I protected her and our past, mainly to avoid dragging her and her family into the NFL media circus. That was the least I could do, considering all I took away from them.

“I really don’t want to answer that, so let’s change the subject.”

They all stared at me in silence; even Rhett was quiet. Of course, I looked like an asshole.

“Does Rylee know that?” Morris asked.

“Know what?” I leaned back and crossed my arms. Since when did poker night turn into a therapy session?

“That there are no wedding bells in her future?” He looked me in the eye, and I didn’t like being painted as the bad guy. Just because I didn’t have the desire to rush out and put a ring on her finger, that didn’t make me a horrible human.

“We’ve only been dating for a few weeks, so it’s not like the topic has come up.” I pulled on my hair in frustration. Their interest in my personal life was starting to tick me off.

“But if you never plan on making that type of commitment, shouldn’t you tell her?” Morris arched an eyebrow that said, “You are a fucking idiot.”

“Guys, this is stupid.” They were getting in my head, and the last thing I needed was for them to drag this shit out of me.

“No, it’s really not.” Beckett eyed me suspiciously. “You need to have those conversations up front to make sure you’re on the same page. Otherwise, you’re just wasting her time.”

I never thought of it like that. There was no doubt I wanted more with Rylee, but was she expecting more than I could give her? Was I going to allow her to get in too deep with me, knowing I’d never be able to give myself to her fully?

“I agree.” Rhett sipped his beer, and we all stared at him. He was the last person you would expect to hand out relationship advice. “Rylee is a cool chick. If you go and hurt her, things will get fucking messy.”

Anger pricked at my nerves because there was enough truth to that statement than I cared to admit. “Why does everyone have so little faith in me? Is it wrong of me to want to just enjoy the moment and not want to think about what comes next?”

“All we are trying to say is, have you thought this through?” Morris asked. “We know you care about her, but you better figure out your shit and come up with a plan.”

I sat up in my seat and rubbed my jaw. “My plan is not to mess things up, how’s that?”

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