Page 22 of Wish I Didn't Want You Back

No, it wouldn’t because life was messy, painful, and full of regret. At least mine was. And I was starting to wonder if I would ever be able to fill in the gap between us. “I’m sorry for leaving the way I did.”

Brooks stared down at his hands. “I got over it.”

A knot formed in my stomach, and I had to force myself not to cry. Sure, we were young and clueless, but I’d made a choice. A choice that took me away from the only man I ever loved and a town that meant everything to me.

“I hate that I hurt you, but let’s be honest. You were happy here. This town is your life. I never would have asked you to give it all up for me.”

Nor would my father have ever allowed it.

His head snapped to mine. “That wasn’t your decision to make.”

I could feel his anger, his pain, and the betrayal that still lingered after all these years. “I would have ruined your life, Brooks. I wanted you to have a chance to find real happiness, even if I wasn’t the one who could give it to you. That’s all I ever wanted for you. Please tell me you were happy.”

He met my eyes and hesitated for a minute. “There are times when I thought I was. I know I want to be.”

I opened my mouth to say something, but I had no idea what. It wouldn’t matter anyway, because nothing would change the past. I couldn’t go back and make different choices, no matter how much I wished I could.

When I looked at Brooks, I saw the man he had become—the man who stayed true to himself and built a life centered around his family and friends. I saw what he’s accomplished. I saw his loyalty and his pride, and it’s so different from what I was used to.

The weight of everything I lost and all I could have had if I had stayed pressed down on my heart.

“What about you?” he asked, as if he wasn’t sure he had a right to know the answer. “Were you happy with your decision? Were you happy at all after you left?”

“I was content doing what I was doing. I mean, I didn’t have time to focus on myself because I was too busy building my career.”

That wasn’t the question, and we both knew it.

“I’m not talking about your career.”

Right. He was talking about Baz.

Silence settled between us. Heavy and thick, and I hated it.Neither one of us knew what to say, and it felt like we were only making things worse.

He pushed away from the sink and stepped toward me. “I don’t get it, Harlow. You left and were ready to commit your life to a man you didn’t love. Make that make sense.”

I sat down and brought my knees to my chest. “You don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand, because I can’t wrap my head around it. I can’t figure out how a girl who used to be so full of life would settle for something so empty.”

I wrapped my hands around my legs, my nails digging into my skin. “I wasn’t looking for love. I already had it and lost it.”

“Correction. You didn’t lose it. You threw it away.”

I tilted my chin up in defiance. “That’s not fair.”

He leaned against the sink and crossed his arms. “Fair? You want to talk about fair? You were ready to sign your life away just to make Daddy happy.”

“You are right, and I have to live with that. But it’s easy to judge and criticize when you’re not the one making the sacrifice.”

It was hard to ignore the look of pity and disappointment in his gaze. “I guess things didn’t turn out quite like you planned, huh?”

I hung my head and stared at the floor. “No, and I realize now it was a mistake.”

“Why did you run from the church?”

I picked up the glass of water and took a sip. I wasn’t expecting this conversation to get so heavy. “Lots of reasons, but the one that struck me most was when I would go to dress fittings. I would be surrounded by happy brides. They would talk about how happy and in love theywere, and then I stepped out of the fitting room and looked at myself in the mirror. I was the furthest thing from happy. I felt empty. I saw the rest of my life flashing before my eyes, and it seemed so cold and bleak. Our marriage would have been nothing more than a business arrangement. The closer the wedding date got, the more I questioned my decision.”

His brows furrowed, like he was searching for a piece of the girl he once knew. I thought maybe he would say something, but he didn’t.

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