Page 56 of Her Celtic Captor
"What did Solveig do?"
"She believed him. The evidence was clear enough. She had seen me, lying beneath him, my clothes already removed. What else was she to think?"
"Did she say that?"
"Of course not. She refused to speak of it."
"What happened to Aelbeart?"
"She had him sold, that same night. I never saw him again. He was sent to the slave auction, and we never spoke of him again. But from that night I looked for him everywhere, not in eagerness now but in dread. He had threatened to murder me. He hated me, and he had good reason. He would have his revenge. I feared him, and that fear grew. It became more than I could manage. It consumed me. I knew, deep down I knew it was a delusion, a fantasy, a dark nightmare created by my own guilt and shame and the horror of what almost happened that night but it took root and it festered. I feared all Celts. I hated them with the same passion thathehad claimed, and I blamed them, every last one of them, for the loathing I felt every time I caught sight of my reflection in the river."
She paused, then continued, her voice now a low whisper. "I hate them still."
Taranc still held her hand in his. "No, you do not."
"I do. I?—"
"I am a Celt. Dughall is a Celt. You do not hate either one of us and we do not hate you."
"But, this is not the same."
"You were a child, badly frightened and confused. It seemed simpler then perhaps, and safer, to assume that all Celts were like this Aelbeart. It was a way to protect yourself. Now, as a grown woman, you must know that not to be so. Not all Celts are evil, as Aelbeart was. He manipulated you for his own ends. He used you and he betrayed you. He would have hurt you andhe deserved your hate. There is nothing irrational in the way you feel about him even now, all these years later."
"But—"
“I knew there had to be something of this nature at the root of all this. I saw, the first time I ever met you, when I knocked you to the ground to stop you from being trampled by that horse, then again in the forest. You were paralysed by fear when you found yourself pinned down. I was insensitive, I should have?—“
“You were not insensitive. You were kind to me, each time, and that confused me. I… I tried to provoke you, to make you behave as Aelbeart had, as I expected you to, because that would have proved me to be correct in my fears and would have confirmed that all Celts were the same. But you were not the same.”
"No? Are we not? Did I not behave just as Aelbeart earlier, after I whipped you? You asked me to stop.” He groaned. “I’m an insensitive bastard…”
"No, you are not. That was different…"
“How? How was it different?”
Brynhild took her time before she answered. She needed to think, to sift through and understand her confused emotions. “Because whatever I might have said, I wanted you. I think I always wanted you, though that terrified me at first.Youterrified me because I was attracted to you and I feared it would all happen again, that I could not help myself. That it would be like it was with Aelbeart.”
“I am not Aelbeart.”
“No, you are not. And you have always taken care of me although I did not appreciate that at first.” She closed her eyes, reliving the time in the forest when he had witnessed her terror and released her at once, despite the risk to himself, to his escape plans. He had not understood her fears, but he saw and he had responded.
"Yet you judge me, you judge all Celts, by the same harsh standard."
“I am sorry.”
“You are forgiven.”
Brynhild lay silent, considering his words. She drew in a long, deep breath. “I cannot be forgiven because I have not been punished for my wrong-doing. That is the way, is it not? You explained it to me, before, in the forest before we reached Hafrsfjord. A spanking ends the matter, and wipes away the guilt.”
“Brynhild, you donotdeserve to be punished because of this Aelbeart. The fault was entirely his, not yours.”
“Not because of him. Because of Fiona.”
“Fiona? What has any of this to do with her?”
“I… I was angry, hurt, scared. I blamed all Celts for what Aelbeart had done to me, and when I got the chance I took my hatred out on Fiona. And on others from time to time, but mostly on her. It… it was wrong of me. It was beneath me and I am deeply ashamed of my actions.”
Taranc stroked her hair, combing his fingers through the long strands. “You need to put that behind you. It is in the past and there is nothing you can do about it. Fiona is not here, she is safe and happy with Ulfric, you did her no lasting harm.”
