Page 77 of Lovesick Gods

Unwilling to let Danny pull away just yet, John looked him square in the eyes. “Don’t you dare hate yourself. There is nothing to hate. Don’t blame yourself for something that was out of your control.”

But killing Thanatos hadn’t been out of Danny’s control. Just like lending a hand hadn’t been out ofCho’scontrol. It was his fault too, at least for Danny’s mother. Danny had to remember that.

“Okay,” he said, even if he didn’t fully believe it.

John pulled him in for one final hug before he let him go.

Andre and Lynn weren’t as difficult to face as Danny had feared when they entered the main room. His friends huggedhim too, both at once like they had weeks ago, and trapped Danny between them. He wanted to apologize over and over again for how much he must have scared them all, how worried he’d made them, how much he kept pushing them away, but he couldn’t find the words. Sorry wasn’t enough.

So he simply said, “I promise I won’t run anymore.”

The next day, Danny agreed to have lunch with Stella. He couldn’t tell her, or John, or Andre and Lynn, everything that was going on, so he told his sister half-truths. How angry he was. How numb sometimes. How responsible he felt for everything that had gone wrong, everyone who had died, and it overwhelmed him most days until the only thing he could do to feel better was lash out.

“You said there was something that was helping,” Stella said. “Is it still helping?”

“Sometimes.” Danny feared she’d find out since Andre knew a little, so he had to tell her at least as much as he’d told him. “There’s this…guy. That I’ve been sleeping with.”

“Danny.” She flashed him her ‘look at you being naughty’ smile as she reached across the table for his hand.

“It’s not a big deal, he’s just…easy to get lost in? When nothing else makes sense or makes me feel better, he does. Which is probably just endorphins from the sex.”

Giggling, Stella pushed him in the shoulder. “That’s good, Danny, I’m happy for you, but don’t get so addicted to the endorphin rush that you feel worse when you’re away from him. You need to figure out how to keep those good feelings going.”

“What do you mean?” Danny asked, thinking of the pills Lynn had given him, but he hadn’t told Stella about that yet.

“Maybe this mystery man needs to upgrade to mysteryboyfriendif he makes you feel so good. There is more to happiness than sex, you know? Or doesn’t he go for that sort of thing?” There was an edge to her smirk that proved shewas prying for details about someone she didn’t know enough to trust with her best friend’s heart. Little did she know how warranted her concerns were.

Cho, his boyfriend? That would be insane.

“Danny?”

“Yeah, uhh…I don’t think he’d go for that. We’re from different worlds most the time.”

“Yeah? Sometimes those relationships burn the brightest.”

Or burn out the fastest, Danny thought.

“But don’t spend so much time with a guy who’d never want more from you than a good time,” she said with warmth and worry in her eyes. “You deserve someone who wants to sweep you off your feet.”

Danny had always wanted that. He wanted someone to lose their mind over him, to think of nothingbuthim—all-in, can’t live without itlove. Most people probably found that terrifying, but it was non-negotiable for Danny. Cho would never understand something like that. And Danny would never want it with someone like Cho.

How could he?

“What about you?” he changed the subject. “Anyone sweepingyouaway lately? Or any good stories from work you can share without violating HIPPO?”

“HIPAA,” Stella rolled her eyes, “and that joke has never been funny.”

“But it’s the Hippocratic oath! Such a missed opportunity.”

They shared another laugh, and Danny reminded himself that he could do this.He could do this.One day at a time—with or without Cho.

ß

“What are you doing?”

Lucy jumped, upsetting the grip she had on her phone, but Mal had already seen the incriminating evidence over her shoulder. Careless that she hadn’t noticed him.

Mal had come upon her outside Mrs. Pak’s corner store, at one of the outdoor tables by the Korean café. It was mid-afternoon, so Lucy only had a half-finished drink, no food, but she’d been engrossed in her phone—which until a moment ago had been displaying Andre Vaughn’s Facebook page.

---