Page 57 of Don Caselli

It was the way he said it that didn’t sit right with me. Like I was the reason for the fallout of our relationship, and I should have been trying to fix things between us. As if I should have been lucky that I was even in a relationship with him.

“Antwan, you broke up with me and you are here with flowers. As much as it hurt to end things, it was needed.”

“Rather than fix things, you want to end shit like we haven’t grown up together.”

“Yeah, we grew up. That’s the reason this isn’t working. Who I was then, I’m not her anymore.”

“Is it him?”

“Why does that matter? You’ve been out on dates and pictured in the media with Mila, and I’ve never said anything about it.”

“You just said something.”

“Grow up, Ant. I only mentioned her because you’re asking me about someone you think I’m seeing.”

Me and Landon were having fun with no strings attached. Although, I think we were slowly failing at our own plan of being strangers with no attachments.

“I was fucking with Mila before moving back to New York,” he admitted, and my chest shattered.

My head felt light as I looked at him with tears in my eyes. I didn’t think I would give a damn about anything that would fall out his mouth. He looked down at his sneakers and then over at me.

“Why tell me now?”

“You deserved to know, Nav. I was caught up in the attention at college, and Mila came for some campus party, and we hooked up. I felt so fucking guilty, which is why I told you not to come for Thanksgiving last year when I couldn’t make it home.”

I remember it like it was yesterday.

Antwan told me that he wasn’t going to be able to come home for Thanksgiving. I didn’t want him to spend the holidays alone. I booked my expensive ass ticket and couldn’t wait to surprise him. I don’t know if he sensed it, but he called and told me not to come and visit. He claimed he needed to catch up on schoolwork and me being there would be a distraction to him. I canceled my flight and never showed up.

“Was she there?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow.”

He tried to walk closer to me, and I backed away, bumping into my laundry basket. “I gave everything I had in me. Tried to learn how to love you and support you even though our life plans didn’t go as planned. When you purposely tried to trap me, I forgave you.”

“Nutting in my girlfriend isn’t fucking trapping you, Navy.” He had the same ass argument.

“When I said I don’t want any kids, you are trapping me. When you are taking your own wants above mine, that is trapping me.”

He sighed. “Mila is pregnant.”

It was like he wanted to keep hurting me. To keep me humbled and to make sure I knew that he had the power to bring me to my knees. I wished I could say his words and admissions of guilt didn’t bother me, but I would be lying to myself and him.

I picked up my boot and launched it at his head, hitting him right in the face. His hand flew to his face as he looked over at me in horror. “What the fuck?”

“Get the fuck out of my house… get the fuck out of my life and forget we ever shared anything!” I screamed, picking up the other one and tossing it at his torso.

“I wanted this shit with you, Navy! Wanted to have kids, the marriage and life with you. You so fucking head strong and independent that you never allowed that to happen.”

Snatching vinyl, I tossed them at him as he scurried to the door. “You wanted those things… you wanted everything to be on your terms, never mine. Get the fuck out my life, Antwan!” I screamed, with tears flowing down my face.

He ducked as I tossed the glass vase at the door and watched it shatter. The sound of glass cracking as he stepped over it to leave sounded, and my vision blurred as I was screaming. I don’t know what I was saying, but I was screaming and crying so hard that my throat started to hurt.

Antwan looked back at me hurt and slowly closed the door as I dry heaved in the middle of the floor. Glass was shattered all over the front and my heart hurt. Why did he have to do this to me? I was taking the breakup as well as I could, and he had to come and twist the knife in my chest. Give him the emotions he wanted the night he decided to end our relationship. Me and Mila were in the same circles.

We’ve attended brand trips and events together, and she just looked at me while having my boyfriend the way she wanted. Antwan’s heart wasn’t ever mine, and I realized that. I’ve given him my heart, but he never truly had given me his.

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