Page 21 of Falling Off Script

But I also just realized my assistant might be forwarding screenshots of my emotional development to a woman who once compared me to a scented trash fire with good lighting.

I sigh.

And then—click.

Delete.

Replace with:

“Finalize Q2 dominance framework.”

There. Very alpha.

And then, like some sick cosmic joke, my phone rings.Mom.

I freeze. Jessie is fifteen feet away, earbuds in, probably editing a thumbnail or writing a 10,000-word Slack message with citations. But she’s here. In range.

I hesitate. Let it ring once.

Twice.

Pick up.

“Hey,” I answer, lowering my voice to the CEO-register. “What’s the update on the... shipment?”

There’s a pause. “Andrew, honey, it’s just me.”

“Yes,” I say tightly, glancing over. Jessie doesn’t look up, but her fingers have gone still on the keyboard. “I’m circling back on that package. Just confirming ETA.”

“Oh,” Mom says, clearly playing along. “Well, I just wanted to say I’m so proud of your... latest drop.”

I mouthkill meand slowly rotate my chair away like I’m ducking enemy fire.

“Right. The drop. Engagement’s solid. Bounce rate’s clean.”

“Bounce rate?” she repeats, openly amused. “Is that your heart or your analytics?”

A cough from Jessie’s direction. Or a laugh. Hard to say.

“Let’s keep it high-level for now,” I say, trying to regain footing. “Just wanted to confirm alignment on Q2’s growth strategy.”

“We’re aligned,” Mom says cheerfully. “And I’ve defrosted the soup you like. We can onboard that tonight.”

I press the heel of my palm to my forehead. “Love that for us.”

“Tell that nice assistant of yours I said hi,” she adds sweetly, because of course she does.

“Hard pass,” I mutter, and end the call with the finesse of someone hanging up on a live grenade.

Deep breath. Swivel back toward my desk.

Jessie doesn’t look up—but the smirk is back. Subtle. Calculated. The kind that makes you feel like she knowssomething.

And then, the kicker. Still typing, eyes on her screen:

“Tell your supplier I’m happy to review their Q2 positioning.”

I blink.

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