Page 65 of Falling Off Script

“Jessie,” I say when her face appears, framed by curtain bangs and chaos.

She’s eating something aggressively crunchy.

“Let me guess,” she says, chewing. “Another breakthrough that requires emotional labor you’re not equipped to handle?”

“Close,” I mutter. “I need Emily.”

There’s a pause. Then:

“Okay, do you want her forgiveness, her endorsement, or her password to feminism? Because I feel like that’s three separate battle plans.”

I stand, pacing across the studio. My voice drops into the register I reserve for clients and damage control.

“I need her help with Matt and Rachel. Real help. Like—therapeutic mind games but make it matchmaker.”

Jessie blinks. “You mean... like a crossover episode?”

I turn. “A collab.”

“Wow,” she says slowly. “You really want Rachel and Matt to work.”

“It’s not just about them. Rachel’s the one that got away. If we help them fix it, it’s a proof point. For both of us. And the audience already thinks Emily and I have chemistry.”

“Sexual tension is not a business model.”

“It is if you don’t flinch,” I shoot back.

Jessie narrows her eyes. “So you want me to pitch the idea to Emily, even though you just ambushed her on her podcast and humiliated her in front of an audience of brunch feminists.”

“I wouldn’t sayambushed—”

“You called in mid-episode and exposed her date for quoting your advice like it was scripture.”

“Okay, fine. Yes. I humiliated her. But the metrics—”

“Don’t,” Jessie says. “Don’t lead with metrics.”

I sit down, suddenly tired. “I can’t talk to her myself. She doesn’t trust me. And frankly, she shouldn’t. So I need to offer her something she can’t get anywhere else.”

“A public apology? A full retraction? A tasteful suicide?” Jessie deadpans.

“A narrative,” I say. “Closure. Triumph. A redemptive arc for her client that makes her look like a coaching goddess. We fix Rachel and Matt—together—and Emily gets to say her methods worked.”

Jessie tilts her head. “You’re not wrong. But she’s going to see through it.”

“Which is why you ask her.”

She arches her brow. “You want me to play go-between?”

“You already are,” I say. “You’re the only person who knows both sides. She trusts you.”

“She used to. Until I started working for the man who weaponizes eye contact.”

I run a hand through my hair. “Tell her it’s for the brand. For the clients. For her audience. Hell, tell her Matt’s hopeless without her. All of those things are true.”

Jessie leans back in her chair. “So you want me to text her like ‘Hey girl, want to emotionally rehabilitate two attractive clients and film the redemption arc?’”

“Make it sound strategic. Use words like ‘synergy’ and ‘pilot concept.’ Mention data. She’s soft for data.”

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