Page 73 of Some Saviors Can Break You

“So it’s been a bad week. I haven't ever been in any situations like this before. Look, Eli, Idounderstand why you’d worry, but that’s not usually what my job is like. I can't give it up, Eli, it’s part of who I am.”

“Because of your past. It’s like you have a death wish.”

“A death wish?” she echoed incredulously. “I do not have a death wish, why would you even think that?”

“Maybe because of your past. Everything you’ve been through, your dad leaving, your mom being a non-functioning alcoholic, the Coffin Killer, being assaulted by your mom’s boyfriend.”

“None of that means I have a death wish. If anything, it made me want to live because I had to fight to build a life, I didn't have wealthy parents give me everything I ever wanted and hand me a multi-million dollar company to run. I didn't have anyone there for me when I was a child, there was no one to care about what happened to me,that’swhat made me want to be a cop. I remember the ones who were there for me after Toby tried to kill me. They held my hand, let me cry without screaming at me for making too much noise, they cared, and that showed me that there were people out there who cared about others. That’s why I like my job, do you know how many children just like me I’ve been able to help? I can make a difference in those kids’ lives not just by finding who hurt their mom or dad or sibling, but by caring about them. How can you ask me to give that up?”

“How can you ask me to be with you and watch you walk out the door every day knowing you might not walk back? Don’t you know that it would kill me to lose another person I love?” This was spinning out of control and he didn't know how to get things back under control.

“You knew what my job was when you asked me out the first time.”

Raking his hands through his hair he took a deep breath, tried to breathe through the suffocating terror that the idea of losing Florence induced. “I know you love your job, and you’re amazing at it. The best cop in the city—the country—I'm not discounting your ability or your passion, I just didn't realize therisks you took. Putting yourself in the line of fire with a crazy man holding a gun, that’s going above and beyond.”

“I put myself in the line of fire becauseyouwere the intended target.” Her eyes were watery with unshed tears.

“So you're choosing your job over me? Over us?”

“You’re the one making it a choice, I don’t see it that way.”

“I can't lose you,” he said. This was killing him, but right now he didn't see any other option. Losing his brother, then his mother, then his father, then giving up custody of his nephew had about killed him, he’d lost enough, and he couldn’t go through that again. At least ending things now would be a clean break, he wouldn’t have to walk around every day with a knot of anxiety in his stomach wondering whether he would be receiving a phone call informing him Florence was dead.

“So this is it? You're just leaving?” Florence demanded.

He could see the hurt in her eyes and knew that he was breaking his promise to her that she was worth fighting for. He was proving to her that she was right, that no one stuck around, that everyone walked out of your life sooner or later.

This felt like a mistake, but the facts were he just couldn’t cope with losing another person he loved, and Florence risked her life every single day.

“I'm leaving,” he said softly. “I’m sorry, Florence.”

Eli reached for her, but she backed away from him. She shook her head like she couldn’t believe this was happening and then turned her back on him.

“I really am sorry,” he said. He held out his hand, holding it just above her head but not making contact, then with feet that felt like lead and a heart that ached, he turned and walked out of her hospital room, leaving her behind.

3:42 P.M.

It had been a crazy ten days.

Meeting Eli, flying to Florence for the day, adding to her tattoo, catching the Dumpster Killer, finally closing the Coffin Killer case, falling in love, and then having it all fall through her fingers.

Florence felt drained.

All she wanted to do was go home, climb into bed, hide under the covers, and try to find her equilibrium again.

“You know you’re more than welcome to come and stay with us for a while,” Jake told her, casting a glance her way.

“I know, you offered like ten times already,” she reminded him.

“I know, just want to make sure you know that you don’t have to go home alone.”

It wasn't that she didn't appreciate that her partner was trying to look out for her, he knew that she and Eli were over and that dealing with the man who had nearly ended her life before her ninth birthday had taken an emotional toll on her, but what she really needed right now was just to be by herself. She needed to try to sort things out, process her emotions, and find a way to get past them.

This was precisely why she had decided if she was ever going to get involved with someone it would be a man who was nice and boring and could never break her heart.

She’d known better than to get involved with Eli.

It was why she had fought against her feelings.

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