Page 24 of Always Yours

I’m pulling on my boots when my phone rings letting me know that Will is downstairs waiting for me so we can hit up some bars.

I tuck my hair behind my ears and give myself a quick once-over in the mirror before turning to Alice and asking, “How do I look?”

“You look like you’re going to freeze your ass off.” She looks me up and down and rolls her eyes.

Alice and I get along far better than most roommates who were thrust together by the random lottery system, but we’re still quite different. She’s not interested in crowds or bars or impressing boys with tube tops in the frigid Michigan winters.

“Shut up. Do I look good enough to tell Will I love him?” I ask, but this time it’s me rolling my eyes.

“You look hot, so yeah,” she replies nodding her head and shrugging her shoulders. “But hold on.”

Alice hops off her bed and begins to rummage through her closet, sliding a clump of hangers to the side as she pulls out a black jacket from the back.

“Here,” she says, thrusting the jacket at me. “Take this so when you’re standing in the freezing cold and you tell Will you love him, he isn’t focusing on your glass-cutting nips and you’re not about to piss yourself from hypothermia.”

I’m laughing so hard at Alice’s honest interpretation of what could happen that tears are streaming down my face. I hate to break it to her that I don’t plan to be standing out in the cold, but I let it go. I guess anything could happen.

“Thanks, Mom,” I reply, sweetly as I take the black trench coat from her and slip it on, pecking her on the cheek as I head for the door.

“Have fun and good luck,” she calls, as the door closes behind me.

I take one last deep breath and push the button for the elevator. It’s now or never.

When the doors slide open, Will is waiting for me and clearly he didn’t get the non-existent memo about this being a big night, because he’s dressed in jeans and a hoodie.

“Wow, you look amazing,” he says, stumbling over his words slightly. It’s been a while since I dressed up to go out with Will and now I’m sorta starting to regret it. I’ve made it way to obvious that I’m planning or expecting something out of tonight, and if it all goes to shit it’s going to be embarrassing as fuck.

Will leans in and slips his arms around my waist, pulling me close, he presses his lips to mine softly.

“Maybe we should just go back to my apartment,” he murmurs, his lips brushing against my ear and his fingers sliding under my top. A jolt of electricity shoots through when his fingers connect with my skin and I suddenly want to agree with him. Fuck going out drinking; let’s just take a few shots in his kitchen and hop in bed. No matter how this plays out, I’m going to need a little liquid courage to get the whole thing rolling.

“Why don’t we at least get something to eat and have a few drinks,” I suggest, my nervousness taking over. I’m not sure why I’m trying to schedule an I love you. It should be spontaneous, organic and well, not this shit.

My hands are shaking when Will threads his fingers into mine and begins to lead the way out of the building. Before we can reach the street, he turns to me and says, “You’re being kinda weird. You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I mutter back, feeling a knot tightening in my stomach at the idea that I’ve made this night into something it shouldn’t be.

“You’re not going to break up with me, are you?” Will asks, pulling me so we are now standing face to face.

“God, no,” I reply, an exasperated sigh falling from my lips when I realize I’ve made him think the worst. I throw my arms around his neck and pull him in close, kissing his lips and telling myself when it happens, it happens.

The night continues uneventfully with us meeting up with a few friends and doing a little bar hopping before we head back to Will’s apartment. We step out of the bar and a light dusting of snow has fallen and the sky is dark and blanketed in a heavy gray clouds. The snow is still falling lightly and Will takes my hand in his as we walk. We’re both drunk and I giggle at everything he says as he talks incessantly about absolutely nothing. We stop off at a burrito joint, and grab some to go and continue our walk home.

I shudder in the cold air, wrapping my arms around myself and silently thanking Alice for her jacket.

“Are you cold?” Will asks as he stops to throw away the wrapper from his burrito. We’re standing outside the stadium with only a few blocks left to go before we reach his apartment.

“Of course I’m cold,” I respond, my teeth practically chattering. It might be March, but in Michigan that can mean any number of things: snow, rain, extreme cold, oddly warm temperatures. My California-raised ass is just not cut out for this kind of weather. “I just want you to know that I’m moving back to California when I graduate,” I blurt out with no warning.

“Can’t handle the cold, huh?” Will says, running his hands up and down my arms trying to warm me up.

“No,” I whine, but I feel the moment fall serious. “I love California and my parents’ vineyard and the winery.”

“I know you do,” Will says, nodding his head, but I don’t think he understands what I’m saying. Maybe I don’t even understand it. I’m drunk and suddenly feeling emotional aboutthe possibility of losing Will over something as simple as wanting to move back home after graduation; a graduation that is so far into the future that it doesn’t even matter right now. It’s a decision that doesn’t need to be made right now, and I can’t predict the future, but the prospect of it scares the shit out of me.

“No,” I say again, but this time Will pulls back a little, his hands now on my face, cupping it. “I’m going back to California when I graduate and…” I trail off not knowing how to finish my drunken ramblings or how to make myself not sound desperate and needy.

“And I’m going with you,” Will says, firmly.

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