Page 54 of Joy Guardian

“You want to know what I want?” I grabbed her in my arms and tightened my tendrils around her until every part of her pressed against me. “This is what I want, Ciana. To hold you like this and never let go.” I leaned my forehead to hers. Every word came out from the depth of my heart, honest and brutal like a blade in a battle. “I’m trying very hard to do what’s right for you, even if it kills me. But what I really want is to selfishly claim you for my own and to annihilate anyone who tries to take you away from me.”

Her eyes widened. Her breath all but stopped. I rarely lost my temper. I’d never acted like this before. But I’d also never feltthis raw need or this unconquerable longing for anyone before her.

“What I want is you,” I exhaled coarsely through my tightening throat.

“Let’s do it then,” she said fervently. “Let’s go away together, somewhere where no one can find us.”

Temptation gripped me in its tender claws that were so hard to escape. I gave into it for a moment and imagined spending all my nights with Ciana, never missing a single smile of hers or a chance for a caress. But how long would her smiles last if she wasn’t safe? Could I protect her on my own? Could I give her the comfort she deserved?

She’d asked me to be honest, and I couldn’t lie.

“It wouldn’t be an easy life, Ciana. Out there, every night would be a fight for survival.”

I was a wanted man on the run from execution. Sooner or later, the guards would catch up with me. What would happen to her then?

She inhaled a shaky breath, holding me so tight, her fingers dug into my sides. But she said nothing. There was nothing to say because no words would change the truth.

Her sorrow was breaking my heart.

A tear fell from her eye. She winced as it rolled down her cheek.

“It stings.” She brushed the tear away, rubbing the skin on her face that had been damaged by wind and sun.

The truth stung.

The reality of our future stung.

And I couldn’t do a fucking thing about that.

So I focused on the one thing that I could make better. I stroked the damaged skin on her cheekbone, cursing myself for not tending to it earlier.

“Let me make it feel better. Let me take care of you.” I lifted a crystal vial hanging by the entrance to the enclave and poured the smooth balm it held on my palm.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“The balm we use when we have to touch the Source of Joy. Its exact recipe is a closely guarded secret only known to those who gave the vow of a Joy Guardian. But I can tell you the main ingredients. They are moonflower oil, cactus butter, emerald beetle cream, and the liquid silk of the first starlight, with a few others added in to complete the magic formula.” I dipped a finger into the oil and brought it to her chapped lips. “May I?”

She nodded, and I gently brushed her full bottom lip with the balm, remembering how wonderful her lips felt when she kissed me. The aroma of the oil drifted through the air. It struck me how pleasant it smelled. Of course, the pleasure came from Ciana.

“You like the smell?” I asked, bringing my finger closer to her nose.

“It’s nice.” She didn’t smile this time, but at least her tears had dried up for now.

I leaned closer. With our noses nearly touching, I inhaled the smell of the balm with her. Another wave of subtle pleasure rose inside me, coming from her.

“It’s marvelous, Ciana. It’s simply magical to experience the world through you.”

“But you’ve smelled it many times before, haven’t you?”

“I have. I just never realized how pleasant this smell could be, until now. You’re teaching me wonderful things about my own world.”

I wanted to give her something in return, to repay her somehow even if the true miracle of pleasure could never be fully repaid.

“Would you like to see the Source up close?” I asked.

“Am I allowed?” She seemed surprised.

I was surprised by my own offer too. It was against every rule of the temple. Ciana wasn’t a Joy Guardian. She wasn’t even a shadow fae and had no tendrils to connect to the Source. Yet I felt that she belonged in the enclave more than any one of us did.

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