Page 42 of A Little Campfire Blues

“Weekends are kinda busy for me,” he admitted. “It’s when I do most of my playing.”

Ahh, now we were getting someone. He had a point too. Weekends in the music industry were when the bulk of your money was made. It would present a problem, but not an insurmountable one. During my conversation with Roman in the garden maze, he’d let slip that he hoped a time would come when he and Ezzy could convince Axis to return home to Eugene.

“We’ll figure something out.”

“There’s no need to go through that kind of trouble for me. I’m not worth it.”

“Who told you that?”

He shook his head, going silent on me again. If he really thought I was going to accept that as an answer, then he had another think coming.

“Axis, I asked you a question,” I said, putting a bit of added bass in my voice.

“I’ve never been anything but spare parts and attitude,” he murmured. “If my folks couldn’t love me, then how the hell is anyone else supposed to? No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, I’m never good enough, I’ll never be good enough, and I’m too goddamn stubborn to stop trying, which makes it that much worse. I’m tired of making things worse, and I’m tired of failing. You three are gonna be perfect together. Anyone with eyes can see that. I’m not gonna get in the way, and I’m not gonna fuck things up for them. They need you, and I think you need them. Ro always tried to be our protector, but watching you with them, you’re the real protector, and once he sees that, he’ll finally get to cut loose, enjoy being a pet, and let someone else take care of him for a change.”

Selfless little shit. I saw where this was headed. He was attempting to erase himself from the occasion. Well, I hope he caught a clue right fuckin’ quick that I was never going to allow that to happen. While I had no goddamn clue what he meantabout that spare parts line, him feeling like his folks didn’t love him gave me some insight into the song I’d overheard and the broodiness he sunk into from time to time.

“You listen to me, and you listen good,” I growled, feeling him shiver as my lips brushed against his ear. “I am not letting any of you go, understand me? You three belong to me. The rest we’ll figure out as we move forward. Now, someone has done a real number on your self-esteem, and you’re gonna tell me about that right now, or there will be consequences.”

“Like what, you gonna put me over your knee? I like spankings, but they’re not gonna make me tell you anything I don’t want to.”

“And snark and that attitude you were talking about isn’t gonna make me turn my back on you either, so spill it.”

“You should tell him what you told me,” Ezzy muttered sleepily. “I don’t like keeping that secret.”

“Shhhhh,” Axis whispered. “Go back to sleep before you wake Ro.”

“Already awake, fucker, and I’ve known you’ve been keeping something from me for a while now,” Roman growled. “Since Ezzy already knows, you might as well tell the rest of us, ‘cause you’ve been pulling away from me too, ever since the pond.”

“Because you wasted too much of your day helping me!” He snapped, no longer trying so hard to keep his voice down since we were all awake.

“It wasn’t a waste, dammit, especially not when I got to see you finally slip into little space and play without a care in the world.”

“And look at what it took to get me there,” he pointed out, leaving me confused, since I hadn’t been with them as they’d been getting ready.

“It’ll get easier once you start to accept that we’re not gonna ditch you for needing a little help slipping into the right headspace,” Ezzy said, cupping his cheek. “I get it, I do. It wasn’teasy for me in the beginning either. Letting my guard down and being vulnerable while still trying to figure out if I could trust the person I was with, it’s a lot. But you’re back with us now, and you’ve never been too much for us. I used to wish you’d let us give you more hugs and more cuddles, ‘cause I knew you never got any at home, but if I’d known why, I’d have made damn sure you spent more time at my place and far away from those shitheads.”

“Ezzy, it’s not their fault. Like I told you in the maze, they were just doing what they had to do to save my brother.”

“Okay, fill in the gaps for the rest of the room, for fuck’s sake,” Ro snapped. “I’m already getting pissed. At this point I just need to know who the fuck to cuss out!”

“One of over a dozen reasons why I’ve never told you,” Axis pointed out.

“Well, I’d like you to tell me now, please, ‘cause you’re really starting to worry me.”

“They never hurt me,” he blurted, easing the knot that had begun to form in my chest as I’d leapt to the same conclusion Roman had.

“Not physically, you mean,” Ezzy spat. “But emotional abuse and neglect is still abuse.”

“I wouldn’t say they neglected me,” Axis insisted. “I never went without anything. I had a room, clothes, food, and school supplies; they made sure I got checkups and eye exams and all that shit.”

“But they still ignored you and failed to show any interest in the things that were important to you,” Ezzy said. “That is neglect, Axis; no matter how hard you try to defend them, they didn’t treat you right, and you know it.”

“They were disappointing, but lots of kids’ parents disappoint them,” Axis said. “Maybe if I’d fallen in line and learned to doas I was told, things would have been better, but I couldn’t stop myself from being so stubborn.”

“You are who you are,” I told him. “Something tells me you have a reason for being stubborn.”

“Because I wanted to have some choice in who I was,” he said, sucking in a breath and holding it a moment before letting it out in a long, shuddering exhale. “To them, I was the kid they had to save their other kid. I was a means to an end. This rare mix of genetic material to be preserved in case my brother ever needed blood, bone marrow, or platelets again. They couldn’t give me away, ‘cause what if whoever adopted me wouldn’t consent to me donating again? They had to keep me for Ander, but they really didn’t have time for another kid.”

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