Page 100 of The Road Less Traveled By

I twist the bracelet on my wrist, nervous to even bring this up. My mind knows the answer already, but it still lingers in my head, and it won’t leave. I figured talking to Dr. Anna about it would help soothe me, and I hope I’m right.

“I’ve been thinking about the next steps in the relationship—physically. After everything with Ralph, I’m scared of being touched in anintimate way again. My mind knows Vince would never do anything like that, and he’s never pushed me to do anything, but I’m still nervous.”

I hear her scratching down some notes across the line before she speaks. “Bree, it’s completely normal to feel this way. You were in a situation that took some of your power, and it’s normal to feel scared about entering that space again, especially after how long it’s been.”

“But I know Vince is Vince, not him…so why do I still have these feelings?”

“You’re considering giving up a part of yourself that’s been tucked away for a long time, and after the trauma you went through, those doubts are normal. Some people take that control back immediately, and some tuck it away to save for someone safe they can trust. Some never want to feel it again. It’s different for everyone, and there’s no right or wrong way to go about it. All that matters is thatyoufeel comfortable in your decision.”

“Thank you. I thought I was crazy for wanting some of the things I did. I still feel like I’m insane for feeling like this. Other than Tristan, Vince is the only man I’ve felt safe with after what happened.” I know he would never hurt me, and he hasn't even brought up the topic of sex or being intimate, but I’ve been wanting it with him. Except these feelings make me believe I don't deserve to want him that way.

“What are you afraid of, Bree? What’s keeping you from taking this step?”

I take a deep breath before I answer. “I’m afraid I’ll get flashbacks to what he did to me. I’m nervous I’ll freeze like I did that night and completely ruin the moment, and Vince will never want to be intimate with me again.”

“You’re afraid he’ll leave you if you’re too afraid or scared to take that step,” she tells me, and all the pieces fall into place.

That’s what my fears always come down to. I’m afraid I’m too broken.

“Yes, I am.” Even though Vince has told me, and shown me, time and time again, that he’s not going anywhere. “When will I stop feeling this?”

“I’m not sure, Bree. But what I can remind you of is that Vince isn't him. He’s not Ralph. All he’s ever done is protect you, listen to you when you need someone to hear you besides me. Every time you talk about him, I can hear your smile from across the phone. I know you trust him, but maybe bring this up to him and see what he thinks. I’m sure if you mentioned that you wanted to take it slow, he would be on board with it. I assume he’s letting you control that aspect of your relationship since he knows what it means to you.”

“That makes sense,” I tell her.

“Talk to Vince, and I’m sure all of your fears will lessen. Baby steps are okay, especially when it comes to being intimate. It’s perfectly normal to take it slow, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do that.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Bree. I hope to hear more good things from you soon, okay? Text or call any time,” she tells me as she hangs up.

I sit with what she said for a few minutes.

I trust Vince more than anyone, and I know he’ll respect any decision I make.

— AS YOU ARE BY THE WEEKND

After an hour ofoverthinking how I’m going to talk to Vince, I decide to rip the band-aid off. I get up from my desk and head downstairs. I knock on the door of his office twice before I hear him mumble for meto come in, and as I peek my head around the door, his eyes meet mine, and a smile lifts his face.

I did that.

He sets whatever he was working on to the side as I plop myself onto his desk. “Hi.”

“Hi, baby.” He leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead. “How was your call with Dr. Anna?”

I sometimes forget he knows my entire schedule like the back of his hand. “It was great. We had a lot to chat about.”

“Is that so?” He tilts his head at me as he studies my face. “It seems like it was a good talk.”

“Mhm. But I came down here because I wanted to talk to you about something.” I reach out and grab his hand, threading my fingers with his. There’s nobody in the house except for Vince’s team outside, so we’re all alone in here, which means that I can grab his hand when I want. Just because I can, I press my lips to the back of his hand a few times, peppering small kisses where our hands are threaded together.

“You can talk to me about anything, Bree. What’s up?”

“Well, we’re in a relationship now, and with that comes certain…physical elements.” I pull my eyes from his, suddenly way too shy for this conversation. “Have you given any thought to that part of our relationship?”

“Not too much. I knew we had to have this conversation at some point, but I didn't want to pressure you or anything. I knew you’d come to me when you were ready.”

I smile at him. Of course he’s letting me make the decision. Could this man get any more thoughtful? “Well, I’m ready, so I think we should have a chat.”

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