Page 55 of The Road Less Traveled By

I’m the only one who can, but some days, I wonder if it’s even worth it. Maybe I’m broken beyond repair. Maybe it’s too late for me and there’s no cure. There’s no band-aid that I can put over my brain to make it all stop.

“Bree, I don't know where you got this idea that you don't deserve good people around you, but that stops now. The only reason Tristan and Liv are upset is because they care about you. A lot. I’ve never seen a client's family so passionate about knowing what’s been going on.”

“I know,” I whisper, feeling again like a big fat failure. It seems like everything I do lately has been wrong, and I don't know how to fix any of it. I place a small bandage across Vince’s nose before I clean up the mess I made. “You’re all set.”

“Thanks for taking such good care of me. You’re a natural,” Vince whispers as he gets up, and I follow him out to the living room.

The door opens a few seconds later, and Liv wraps me in a hug. My sleeve gets wet, and I feel even worse for making her cry.

“Go easy on me, okay?”

I feel her nod into my shoulder before she untangles herself from me and sits down, Tristan standing behind her. The four of them are sitting while I stand in front of them, and even though I feel really on the spot, I speak.

“I haven't slept through the night since I found out he was getting out. If I do sleep, I have nightmares so vivid that they haunt me when I’m awake. I don't know how to talk about what I’m going through because my brain can’t even wrap around it. It’s hard for me to put all my feelings into words. I’m not like you, Liv. I can’t just take all my thoughts and make them coherent. It’s fucking hard for me to talk about everythingI’ve been and am still going through. I also don't want you to worry about me because I’m doing the best I can.”

Liv sniffles. “I’ll always worry about you, Bree. I’m not wired any other way.”

“I didn't want you guys to be forced into my shit. That’s why I kept it from you. In my mind, if you didn't know, then you were safe from the shitshow that is my life.” I take a small break, my throat burning from the tears I’m holding back. “I have panic attacks a few times a week. I jump when I hear a loud noise I wasn't expecting. I can’t stand to hear people whistle because it all reminds me of that night. Of him. I’m afraid he’s lurking around every corner, waiting to come back and finish what he started.”

I notice my sister is full on crying, Tristan too. Vince has a somber look on his face, even though he knows all this, and Teags even has glassy eyes.Look at what I’m doing to them. Look at the pain I’m causing them.

“I keep waiting for something to get better. I keep waiting for my mind to stop playing all these tricks on me, but it hasn't happened yet. Everyone says that time heals all wounds, that it gets better, but it hasn't for me, at least not yet. I am drowning in my thoughts every waking moment of the day, and it won’t stop. I didn't think anyone would want to stay by my side if threats kept being made, if the media kept publicizing the worst night of my life.”

“Bree, I didn't know it was this bad. If I had known—”

“You didn't know because I didn't want you to. This is on me, not you, Liv.”

“For future reference, we want to know it all. We’re your fucking family. We care about you, and all we want is to help you through the tough moments. Got it?” Tristan asks me.

I shake my head. “You all have your own shit to deal with. I don't want to add tothat.”

Liv gets up and grabs my hands where they hang at my side. “Imagine we’re all sitting at the same table. All four of us.”

“Okay.” I don't know where she’s going with this, but I let her continue.

“Four years ago, I put my strength down on the table, and you picked me up. You carried me, and when I collapsed into your arms the day our parents tricked me with that note, you held me up.”

I remember catching her as she sobbed. I had never seen Liv so broken before. She was always stronger than I was, though, and I’d carry her through that again and again if I had to.

“And eventually, I picked my strength back up. Then, Tristan and Teags put theirs down when Tobias died. The two of us are still helping them carry it, but each day, it gets a little lighter, and they can help shoulder some of it on their own. Right?”

Teags nods as Tristan says, “Yes.”

“And then, Vince sat down at our table with us. Yet another person who wants to help carry you when the weight gets too heavy.”

“Damn right, angel.”

I’m sobbing where I stand at the picture my sister is painting.

“You can put some of your strength down, Bree. You never need to ask us to help because we’re already next to you, waiting for you to put it down if it gets too heavy.”

“Because you guys would stay at the table with me. You guys would stay.” I say through my tears. “No more secrets. Consider you guys in the loop at all times.”

“I’ll tell Nico to make a group chat,” Vince says, scrunching his face and turning to Tristan and holding out his hand. “That was a hell of a punch.”

Seriously?“Thanks, man. Are we good?”

Tristan takes hishand and shakes it. “We’re good.”

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