Page 115 of Reconciling With the Rival

I’m fucking terrified.

I don’t know how to navigate this. We technically still have one more time in our pact, and I don't know if I can do that without these feelings overloading all my senses. I think if he fucked me one more time, it would seal his name across my heart. I swear, his dick is holding me captive.

No matter what my feelings are, they’re terrifying in whatever way they manifest. I can’t have my heart falling in love with him when I know, to Leo, all of this is a means to an end.

It is, right? A means to an end?

That’s what I’ve been struggling with. He drew me a bath. He wasniceto me when I was having a life crisis I didn't want to be having in front of him. He didn't make fun of me or call me names; he was actually a decent guy. Anyone else might have taken advantage of the state I was in, but not Leo. He took care of me.

The part that scares me the most was that I let him.

As I pull into Paige’s complex, I banish all thoughts of Leo, her smiling face greeting me as she opens the car door.

“Hi! I am so excited. I feel like book shopping and reading are two different hobbies, and I’ve been needing some new books to sit on my shelves!”

I smile at her. “You could not be more right, P.”

Four songs later, Hads and Grant are in my car. The three of us girls have to help Grant into my car since he can’t bend his leg with the full cast, but the entire time, he has a smile on his face.

“You guys have no idea how good it feels to get out of the apartment. I feel like a free bird.”

And that makes us all laugh.

Five minutes later, and we’re on the way to the bookstore closest to Hads’ place.

“So, how is physical therapy going?” I ask him.

“Well, learning how to use the fucking things has been a pain.” He kicks his crutches with his good leg. “But overall, it’s okay. When I get the cast off, that’s when the real work begins.”

“He’s basically going to have to learn how to use his leg again,” Hads tells us, grabbing Grant’s hand in the process. I’ve been checking in on her periodically because I know the crash really shook her.

My heart aches for both the Baker siblings. They're both a bit too familiar with how terrifying car crashes can be, and I know when Hads got that phone call, her heart stopped beating properly for a few minutes. I saw her face. She was as pale as a fucking ghost.

All of us were terrified as we rushed to the hospital, but I know Hads was worried that when we got there, Grant was going to be gone.

Thankfully, he wasn't. I don’t know how much more loss the group can take.

“So, Ella, how is life with Leo?” Paige asks, a huge smile on her face. “Did our list help?”

My cheeks heat, because I’ve put this conversation off long enough, and I’m shocked this hasn't come up before now.

“Yeah, you’ve barely talked about it,” Hads says, knowing why I haven't. “So, I’m assuming you’re too shy to tell us you accepted his offer?”

“I did,” I sigh heavily.

Grant screeches before Hads can put her hand over his mouth. “Tell us everything. What is sex with him like, because I figure it’s like fucking some sort of Greek God?”

Hads pulls out her ruler and smacks him.

“Ow! It’s just a question!”

“Why did you phrase it like that?” Paige asks, a laugh bubbling up. “But feel free to answer, Ells.”

I tell them the long-winded version of what happened and how Leo and I had to work late and accidentally ended up fucking on the conference room table. For some reason, whenever Leo and his stupid mouth are around me, I can’t control myself. It’s how all our slip-ups have happened—my pussy thinks instead of my brain.

“He said it didn't count?” Hads asks me.

“No, I did. Because in the haze of my orgasm, I said a bunch of stupid shit. I even forgot about the security cameras, and Leo had to erase the one of us fucking in the conference room.”

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