Page 116 of Reconciling With the Rival

“Damn,” Paige says as she reaches over to high-five me.

“I’m not celebrating a terrible decision. No matter how good the sex is,” I admit, wanting to bash my head into the steering wheel. “I haven't told Alissa either.”

“I bet she wouldn't want to know that you’re fucking her brother, so that’s probably for the best,” Hads tells me. “I know you feel like you’re lying to her, but sometimes, you have to have some things for yourself before everyone else knows about it.”

Ugh, she’s probably right, but all the shit that has been happening lately is fucking with my head. First, the situation with my mom, and now all these weird emotions I’m feeling about Leo. It was supposed to be sex, but somehow, it morphed into so much more for me, and I hate it.

I hate it, because I don’t know how he feels, and I don’t dare ask him, because I already know his answer. He’s not a relationship guy, and normally, I can have casual sex.

But this time, I can’t. Sex with Leo feels different—explosive and otherworldly, though I’d never say that out loud. Something about us is different, and I can’t figure out if it’s because we’re a bit older or if the two of us have changed so much since we first met.

Or maybe it’s all thefeelingsattached to us having sex. Yeah, that’s probably it. Feelings tend to muddle shit up, and this is no different.

Now, I’m stuck fucking him one more time before this pact of ours is over. I don’t know if my heart can survive, but it will have to when he calls it off after next time. I turn the music up to distract my thoughts.

I park in the lot of the store, and the three of us help Grant out, Hads walking next to him the entire way in. As soon as we walk into the bookstore, I feel like I can breathe a little better.

I swear, there’s something so healing about being surrounded by this many books. It’s a reader's dream, and it’s so different from the library that surrounds me at home.

“Does anyone have any good recommendations for our next book club read? Maybe some sort of holiday book since it’s almost that time of year…” I trail off as I browse the shelves.

“We can check out everything, but Grant has been going on and on about some book he saw online, but it’s an indie book, so I don't know if they’ll have it here,” Hads tells us, and Grant’s face lights up.

“Oh, we have to hear about this one, G,” Paige says.

“I’ve been watching way too much YouTube lately since I can’t go to work, and I found this girl who recommends books and does vlogs. Her sister wrote a book, and it sounds super heartbreaking. Olivia Hart is her name.”

“The author or the Youtuber?” I ask him.

“The author. Her sister’s name is Bree.”

Paige spins around. “Wait, I know that name… Bree Hart. Why does it sound so familiar?”

“I sent you that podcast about her, Paigey. She had a stalker a few years ago, and a bunch of podcasts have talked about it, even though nobody knows what happened.”

Paige’s eyes sadden. “Oh, yeah. Strong fucking girl.”

“Agreed,” Hads says as I lock eyes with her. “Grant made me listen to it.”

“Well, if we find her book, should we read it in January?” I ask, excited for another book to hopefully wreck my emotional state in the best way possible. I have two kinds of cravings when it comes to books: horny and depressing. Bonus points if a book can do both.

“I’m down,” Hads says.

“Me too! I love a good sad book,” Paige says.

“I’m so excited. Let’s head to the fiction section and look for it,” Grant says, and we all follow him. For a guy on crutches, he’s still pretty fucking fast. It must be the hockey player in him. “I see it! It’s the white cover.”

“Thankfully, there’s like ten copies here,” Hads tells us.

“Take the ones from the back!” Paige says as Hads hands her one.

Hads only laughs. “I’m not an amateur, babe.”

“Okay, so now that we have that out of the way, each of us should pick a book for one another that we think we would like. How does that sound?” I ask them.

“That sounds wonderful. Is this some sort of game, Ella? If so, is there a time limit?” Grant asks me, and I know he knows what I’m doing, because I sent him a video about it the other day. This guy gave his girlfriend two minutes to pick one book that he would buy for her. I’m putting a twist on this trend, though. I want us all to pick books tailored to each of us.

“Yes, but you get a few extra minutes because of the crutches,” I tell him.

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