Page 131 of Reconciling With the Rival

She cuts me off this time. “Leo, it’s okay. Actually, it’s helped me realize a lot of things, so I guess I have you to thank.”

“My pleasure,” I say as I raise my glass.

She grabs her coat, throwing it on as she rises from her chair. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

I only nod as I sip my drink.

“Have a good night, Leo.”

She walks away, and I’m stuck watching her leave, wishing I had an idea of how I really feel about her.

It shouldn't be this hard, watching her leave. We weren't exclusive. We were fuck buddies—distractions from the shit we didn't want to think about, and that was all.

But each step she takes feels like a stab in my chest, and as she swings the door open and doesn't spare a single glance back, I realize I made a mistake.

And as I go to run after her, throwing some bills down on the table, my phone rings.

I pick it up, not knowing who’s on the other end of the line.

“Hello?”

“Leo, something’s happened.”

39

If You Need Me, I'm There

I feel like myheart just got stomped on.

Ofcourse, Leo doesn't want anything serious. I shouldn't have even asked him about the pact and what it meant for us going forward. I knew what the outcome was going to be, but I still asked because a small part of me thought he might have changed his mind.

He didn't, and now, I feel like an idiot.

Leo has always been an answering machine that’s full. He will always be the guy with options upon options because of how he looks, who he is, and what he wants.Casual. I can’t wait to overhear about all his conquests at work since we’re done. I’m sure he’ll have one tonight since I’m not having sex with him anymore.

I’m trying to make myself feel better by thinking about all of this, but it’s not working.

I knew Leo was never a guarantee. I knew this stupid pact wouldn't end how I wanted it to, even though I agreed to do it; falling for him was never an option for me.

But my heart and head got different memos, and I fell for Leo so quickly, I didn't even know it was happening. It feels like overnight, he became someone important to me, and even though that’s scary to think about, it feels right. In my soul, we make sense.

Normally, I don't allow myself to depend on others, but I think with him, I could.

I can’t even remember what my days were like before him. Leo Zimmerman is burned into my life like a goddamn forest fire that no amount of water could put out. I’d willingly walk into his flames, if he would only let me.

The only things I’ve ever wanted in life were comfort and success. I wanted to have the ability to stop worrying about money and my family, and right now, I don’t have those worries. I make enough to support myself, and even the work I do for authors keeps expanding as more of them discover my services.

If I was brave, I would quit my job and do that full-time, but I can’t. I have the financial stability I’ve always craved, and I don’t want to let that go until I’m sure I have enough saved to pull the plug.

My life feels like a bunch of different moving parts, and I know I can’t make any big decisions right now. I’m not heartbroken per se, but I am disappointed I misread Leo and my situation.

I step into my apartment, sliding out of my coat and boots since December just started and it’s fucking cold out. It hasn't snowed yet, and I’m thankful for that. Driving in the snow is the worst, especially heading toward work where all the traffic is.

“Liss? Sorry I’m late. I got stuck doing something for my boss, and I—” I stop when I see Alissa running around the kitchen,clothes in her arms as if she grabbed them out of the dryer and forgot a basket. “Liss?”

She doesn't spin to greet me. I know she’s not ignoring me; I think she’s in hyperfocus mode, and not in a good way. She’s got tunnel vision, and I jump right into action as I follow her into her room.

Her suitcases are spread out on her bed, and she’s haphazardly throwing clothes into them with no rhyme or reason. If we were together, I’d ask if she was leaving me, but I’ve never seen her so out of sorts.

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