Page 135 of Reconciling With the Rival

I can’t do that, though. I have to fix my family before everything else, but I’m struggling to find that balance. All I want to do is fall into her arms and let her comfort me. Never have I felt this way about a woman, and all I crave is her. Not just herbody, but every single part of her. I want her laughs, her cries, her fears, her dreams. Anything she wants to give me, I want to take, and I want to give the same to her.

I can’t stop the words from flowing out of my mouth. “Did you pick something, or are you going to hope the machine does it for you?”

She turns to greet me, a single tear running down her face that she quickly wipes away. “Sorry if I was gone too long. I—”

I take a step toward her. “It’s okay, Ella. I didn't mean…” I trail off, unsure of what to say. Things between us feel so awkward, and I don’t know if I should bring it up.

“How are you feeling?” she asks me, pressing a few buttons before the machine starts to work.

“Terrible.” Why lie? She knows how shitty I feel. There’s no point in skating around the truth. “I can’t fix it.”

She grabs the waters and snacks before setting them on the floor. “No, you can’t.” She steps into my personal space. “But you’re here for them. That’s all that matters, Leo.”

I look down at her, those brown eyes shining under the fluorescents, making me feel safe and free to admit any worries I have. I know she won’t judge me for it. She would probably just hold me until the pain went away. “I’m scared, Ella. More scared than I’ve ever been in my whole life.”

She reaches for me, her arms wrapping around me like a safety blanket in a storm—like she has the key to all my worries, all my troubles, unlocking them in this small room. “It’s okay to be scared, Leo.”

“What if he never wakes up?” I say as I rest my chin on her head. “What if I never get to speak to him again?”

She only squeezes me tighter. “It’s going to be okay.”

“But what if—”

She untangles from me, her eyes peering into mine once again. “Have you ever used the monkey bars on a playground?”

The sudden change of topic confuses me. “I have…”

“Well, I’ve always thought life was like the monkey bars. In order to get to the other side, you have to grab each bar and swing across them.”

I cock my head at her, still confused.

“You grab the first one, and you feel confident. You think it’s easy at first. But then, your arms start to feel heavy as you hold your body up and try to keep holding on. I think life is a lot like that. It all feels so simple as a child, but as you swing into each new phase of life, it gets harder and harder to get a grasp on the things you love.”

“I’ve never thought of it that way,” I say, her arms still around me. “But what does it have to do with this situation?”

“In order to get to the other side, you have to let go of one bar and grab the next one. Letting go is okay. Letting go is the point of the monkey bars, Leo. All you have to do to get through this is to let go of all the shit keeping you in this guilt and grab the next bar.”

“The next bar could either be my dad waking up, or—”

“He’ll wake up. And when he does, you’ll be by his side. Eventually, you’ll get to the other side of the monkey bars.”

I slide my hand through her hair. “How can you be so sure?”

“I’m not sure of anything, Leo. But I believe it. Sometimes, all you can do is believe. Sometimes, all you have is hope.”

“But what if that isn't enough?” I was never one to believe in hope. I never let myself; it always ends with misery—at least for me.

“Then you let go, grab the next bar, and decide if you have enough strength to get across.”

I let her words sit in my mind for a second. “Thank you for coming, Ella.”

“I would do anything for you and your family, Leo. Whatever you need the next few days, I’m here.” With that, she leaves,heading back to the room as if she didn't say what she did. I’m speechless.

I thought I could fuck Ella out of my system. It turns out, though, she’s the one who created it. Every eye roll, every time she talked back to me, every annoyed glare cemented her into my skin, and she became everything I could want—everything Ineed. Behind all those glares and comments is someone soft, someone who wants to be seen, loved, and heard.

Never has Ella wavered on who she is, and I respect her so much for that.

Never mind the fact she dropped everything to be here for me and my family; even without doing that, she’s still the best person I know.

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