Page 136 of Reconciling With the Rival

And I want her. I want all of her.

Ella Williams is mine, and I’ll stop at nothing to prove I can be hers too—if only she’d let me in enough to allow me to prove that.

The two of us could be something great together, and at some point, I’m going to grab the next bar, and we’ll start a beautiful life together.

I have hope for us. I want it to be us.

When I walk back into the room and don’t see her, I get nervous. “Where did she go?”

My mum and sister look up at me, the snacks and water she grabbed on the tables beside them both.

“I told her to head to the house and take one of the spare rooms. She looked tired; we’ll meet her there later after visiting hours.”

“I’m staying here with your father in case he wakes up tonight,” my mum says to us. “He might not, but I can't leave.”

“We know,” Alissa tells her.

I sit back down beside my father and hope he wakes up so I can tell him all about the girl who stole my heart and how I don’t want it back.

41

Overstimulated In Another Country

As I sit ata bar—pub—by myself, all my messages to Amelia unanswered, I start to think about how insane it is that I’m in an entirely different country. I’ve been here for a week. I’ve been away from my friends, family, and job for a whole week, and I haven't gone completely insane yet.

Yetbeing the keyword.

Of course I didn't hesitate to come after Alissa asked. I’d do anything for her and her family—anything to lessen the load during this tough time. That’s actually why I’m in this pub alone. I left the hospital because their Dad woke up; I didn't want to intrude on their family time. Plus, I felt awkward being in that room. It felt like I didn't belong. I felt like an outsider, even though they both asked me to come back with them.

There's something so strange about being alone in a foreign place. I can’t quite describe the feeling, but I thought since Iwas over here, I’d try and get in touch with Amelia. I should have known just because we’re on the same continent that she wouldn't magically answer me.

Ella: I’m in London if you happen to be around. It’s a long story, but if you have time and aren't dead somewhere, I’d love to have a talk.

Ella: I doubt you’ll answer this, but I can’t say I didn't try, right?

It still stings, though. I think the worst part is that our relationship felt likemoreto me. It never felt like it could fizzle out. I never thought Amelia would do this. I know she always joked about it, but I thought that was all it was—jokes.

Turns out, it was a warning instead, and none of us were smart enough to lock onto every signal she sent us.

I could try and say I saw this coming, but that would be idiotic. Hindsight has been punching us all in the face, and I don’t know how to help my friends through this weird time where Amelia is concerned.

Especially Paige. I know she’s hurting, and according to Oliver, she hasn't been sleeping well. I can’t fucking help her because all three of us are without any answers.

Amelia disappeared from our lives. It was gradual at first, but with all the messages going unanswered, all the calls, everything being how it is now, it feels final—like we should stop trying.

After I leave, I probably will. It hurts, being ignored by someone you trusted, by someone I thought was my friend.

I don’t know if we’ll ever have an answer as to why she left. I don’t think we did anything—if we did, I can’t think what—so this must be an Amelia problem.

I’ve done all I can do at this point. I’ve texted her and asked if she needed someone to listen while she goes through whatever she’s dealing with, but again, I got no response.

If the universe felt like playing a game with me, I’d run into her on the street while over here, but I doubt that will happen. Ames would probably run the other direction if she saw me.

My phone buzzes and brings me out of my spiral about Amelia.

Alissa: He can leave the hospital in a few days! The doctors want to make sure his heart is okay before he can leave.

Ella: That’s great, Liss.

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