Page 33 of Reconciling With the Rival

“Wait, Paige, can you throw on the playlist I made for tonight? It’s a special one for night drives since we’ve been doing this a lot more lately.”

Paige hands Hads her phone, and while Hads configures the playlist, I roll my window down and feel the breeze across my face.

I’m the reason we’ve been doing night drives more lately, though the girls don’t know why I keep suggesting them. They never question it either. Whenever I text an SOS and tell them Ineed to go on a drive, they always hop right in the car and come pick me up. These girls always have my back, even though I’m not as open with them as I should be.

Being in the passenger seat of a car while we drive through the night has always calmed me down. When I was little and my mom was still around, sometimes she would take my sister and I on drives to help tire us out. She would play this special music—classical, I think—and according to my dad, it worked like a charm. We would come back exhausted, and the two of them would put us right to bed.

Drives like this remind me of what my life was like as an actual kid, not a girl who had to grow into an adult when her mom walked out on her family and never came back. It reminds me of what it was like when everything felt good and easy, not hard and exhausting.

Ever since my mom left, I’ve had to keep my family afloat. My dad was working two jobs to support us, so I kept the house going. I raised my sister and helped her with her homework every night while I was also doing school work at the same time. Along with cooking, cleaning, and trying to figure out if we had enough money to be able to pay our bills.

I’ve been clawing my way back from the hole my mom threw me in when she left. I fight to be heard, to be taken seriously, and I’m exhausted.

I just want something to go my way for once—no fighting required. All my hard work has to pay off at some point, right? But I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this—making sure my family is okay while still living my life for me, not them.

I hear Paige and Hads singing along to a song as loud as they can, and I join in, wanting to forget.

I’m here with my best friends, and for once, I want to live in this moment and forget about all the things troubling me. That’swhat I love about the girls—they make me forget about all the shit I’ve been dealing with since before I met them and get me out of my own head. I’ve always needed people to do that for me.

I worry I’m too much sometimes. I’m always asking questions, always wondering how I can help in any situation or trouble they find themselves in. Sometimes, people hate that. There have been many friends who have left my side because they thought I was too overbearing, but not these girls around me now.

I used to think it was me—that I was the problem. It was hard for me to keep friends, and my own mother left when I was young, so why would anyone else stay? It always felt like my fault. I thought I drove everyone away because I internalized all my fears and always assume I’m the issue.

But now I know the people who are meant to be around me will stay no matter what. Hads and Paige fit that bill perfectly. And Amelia did too, when she was around.

It’s moments like these, when the windows are down, the music is up, and you're surrounded by your favorite people in the world, that you feel like you can do anything, like you can be whoever you want with no judgment. I suddenly have forgotten about my work problems, my family struggles, and Leo being around me five days a week. It all seems insignificant when I’m here in this car with my friends. Being able to hear Paige, Hads, and I sing until our lungs give out makes everything I’ve been worried about so pointless.

This is what life should be. This is how I want to feel every single day.

All the pain, all the long days… They all start to mean something in moments like these. I feel freer than I have in a long time, and maybe ,what lies ahead isn't so bad.

No, it won’t be bad. And if it is, I know these girls will be around to help me pick up all the pieces when I eventually shatter.

One Week Later

As I stalk intothe conference room to find out if we landed the publishing house, I notice I’m the first one in here.The meeting does start in five minutes, right?

I grab my phone to make sure I have the right time, but Leo’s presence makes me pause. I can always tell it’s him because he wears the same cologne every fucking day. The worst part is, I don’t hate the smell. He smells like whiskey and bad decisions—decisions I’m all too familiar with.

Thankfully, before Leo can engage, Rae walks in.Thank God.She meets my eyes and immediately hurries to sit next to me. Leo continues to look at me as he finds a spot.

“Hey, are you nervous? Brody seems to be in a good mood today, so you probably got the account.”

“Brody is always in a good mood. He was five under par yesterday while we were all here, working our asses off.”

She only smiles at me. “Well, at least we didn't have to deal with him.”

I nod my head in agreement. I don't know what’s worse: Brody being here in the office, or being out of the office when he should be here.

People continue to filter into the conference room as Rae and I talk amongst ourselves. Brody steps in and goes to the front of the room, Imogen to the right of him as the meeting starts.

“So, before we get into all the normal stuff, Imogen and I have an announcement to make. Imogen?” Brody hands the floor over to her.

“We have officially landed Literary Nook Publishing House as a client.” Imogen looks at Leo and I. “Congratulations, you two. The proposal was perfect, and they were very impressed.”

I smile to myself, glad it all worked out. But now, the hard part.

“So, who is interested in leading this project?” Brody asks, knowing what’s about to happen.

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