Page 59 of Reconciling With the Rival

And as the two of us come down from our highs, I can barely register what happens before I fall asleep.

I wake up withlegs tangled in mine.

And when I see Leo Zimmerman sleeping next to me, the memories of last night hitting me like a train, all I want to do is cry.

I can’t believe we did what we did.

What the hell is wrong with me? Did I really have to stoop so low and have sex with the one person on this planet I can’t stand? The one person who gets under my skin and pushes every button because he knows how much it annoys me?

Oh, what the fuck have I done?

I’m such a fucking idiot.

My phone starts to buzz, and I reach for it where it’s plugged in.

Hads: Are we still on for coffee this morning?

Fuck. Hads and I always have coffee every Sunday. It’s this tradition we started this semester because of everything going on with her and Grant. I thought she could use it to talk through her feelings, since I know she struggles with that.I go to answer her, but Leo moves, and I’m jolted back into what we did last night.

This didn't mean anything. I’m just another girl Leo fucked. I’m no different than the other girls he takes home for one night, and I don’t know why it’s throwing me off so much.

Because you let your guard down last night.

I did, didn't I? And what good did that do for me? All it ended up getting me was fucked by the one person I hate the most. I feel like a fucking idiot, like a fool.

I let Leo Zimmerman sweet talk his way up to my apartment, and I let my guard down. Nothing is going to change between us. When he wakes up, he’ll still despise me, and I still hate him, no matter if we had sex and said all those things we did.

None of it meant anything, just like it means nothing with everyone else we fuck.

Checking the time, I realize I don’t have long before I have to meet Hads, so I slide out of bed, take the quickest shower of my life, and make myself look decently presentable.

The look of embarrassment on my face is the shining star of my outfit today, and I hope I can hide it from Hads so she doesn't ask me about it.

Leo still isn't awake when I’m ready to leave, so I write him a note to let himself out and hope by the time I’m back from coffee, he’s not here.

I don’t want to talk about last night. I don’t want to acknowledge what we did. I just want things to go back to normal.

I know one thing for sure: I’ll never allow anything like that to happen between us again.

19

A Mistake

As I wake upwith an arm draped across my torso, I smile to myself.

God, it’s just like old times, and I couldn't be happier about ending my fucking dry spell—

Wait.

No, this isn't right.

Because when I look down and see Ella cuddled against my chest, I must still be asleep.What the hell happened?

I see her eyes slowly flutter open as all the memories of what we did filter back into my brain. Her gaze focuses on me, and it takes all of two seconds for her to revert to her old self.

“Get the fuck off of me.” She pushes me away from her.

“Darling, you were the one sprawled on top of me,” I say as she puts her clothes back on.

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